


In Vino Veritas

by CactuarNation



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Gen, Introspection, M/M, Multi, One-Sided Relationship, Secret Crush, Unrequited Love, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-16
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2018-01-01 18:18:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 34,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1047071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CactuarNation/pseuds/CactuarNation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mr. D's finally leaving Camp Half-Blood for good and he takes it upon himself to throw a blowout farewell party to celebrate. Campers are booking flights and even the gods themselves are rescheduling for his big comeback event. Percy and his friends take part in the festivities, but amid the flowing wine and glittering fireworks, they're forced to come to terms with the consequences of their actions. Everyone wants to make the right choices, but when right and wrong are less clear, they're just left with the choices they've made.</p><p>Who hasn't wondered if it's possible to love someone else without hurting them? </p><p> </p><p>  <i>"Annabeth and Percy shared a look and Percy pinched the bridge of his nose. Well, his half-baked plan hadn't backfired exactly. Nico was curled like a kitten in his lap and Hazel was chortling into the night, but things could have definitely turned out worse, maybe not stranger, but worse."</i></p><p> </p><p>  <b>(see notes)</b></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: I Hope the Arena Has Lifeguards

**Author's Note:**

> This was actually an old fic I wrote years ago, originally called **There's Something In The Wine** but I decided to rework it and maybe continue where I left off. I wasn't a huge fan of the blasé way Nico came out in the books and really wanted to dig a little deeper into the characters and how their personal histories affect their thought processes and interactions with each other. While I was at it, I expanded on a lot of what I had written and tried to work out some kinks, so it's much longer than it originally was. The pacing is a little different now, but hopefully for the better. 
> 
> This _is_ still an ongoing project, and I tend find a lot of areas of improvement too late. So, I may restructure or add to chapters I've already uploaded. I'll try my best not to do this, but I wanted to apologize in advance!
> 
>  
> 
> If you have any thoughts or criticism, please feel free to leave a comment, they really do keep me going!
> 
>  
> 
> I'll do my best to respond to your comments and will keep your feedback in mind for future chapters.  
>   
> 

** Prologue **

 

 

After proving himself in the fight against Gaea, Mr. D's sentence had been dissolved and he was allowed to reclaim his place on Olympus early. While the expectation was for him to return immediately, to everyone's surprise, he hung around camp instead. He walked with Ariadne, who never seemed to leave his side, possibly making up for lost time and was trailed by his old entourage of satyrs and maenads that he had reunited with in the war. Like Ariadne, they became a constant presence, following him wherever he went. It was suspected they had been the ones to influence Mr. D to throw a wild bacchanalia, like he had in his active days, in commemoration of his new freedom.

 

Because Mr. D was known as _the_ party god, other deities would definitely make appearances. There was a palpable buzz throughout the camp, but there was an unspoken understanding that the celebration was primarily for Mr. D, Ariadne, and their friends; no campers allowed. Nearly all of them were disappointed that they'd be forced to stay indoors while the camp was torn apart by their parents and raging mythical creatures, even if they were partly relieved. The majority were curious, and excited to just be able to witness the legendary event. Counselors tried to organize shifts for the others to watch from their windows, while a few planned to risk sneaking out anyway.

 

Mr. D fed off the anticipation and after a few days of letting them stew, he called ameeting. In an act that shook everyone, he announced an invitation for the campers to join, as his parting gift to camp Half-Blood. Chiron did a literal spit take while the demigod's cheers echoed through the amphitheater. Since then, Mr. D's attendants started eagerly chattered in hushed whispers about plans and details. It seemed like every member of every cabin was holding their breath, desperate for the distraction from mourning casualties. No one but Mr. D himself knew exactly when it would be or what he was planning, but rumors varied significantly. Everyone was on their toes looking out for any sign that it was coming. All Chiron would say was that they would all know it when it was time.

 

And he was right.

 

It was set off with fireworks the following night that cracked and sparkled over the beach. Confetti rained from the heavens while music wailed from the amphitheater. Bonfires and wine fountains appeared throughout the camp like mushrooms. Chiron had barely any choice but to allow it, but had insisted the fountains be enchanted to only dispense very strong grape juice for the younger campers. Mr. D grudgingly agreed when Chiron pointed out that no drunk kids meant there was a smaller chance of and angering their parents by having them die on his watch _and_  no kids meant no need for party police. As a compromise, he sectioned off the volleyball court and arts and crafts area with vine fences, before erecting an entire amusement park in their place for the 18 and under campers. Plenty of the older adolescents snuck out, but Mr. D was far beyond being too elated to notice, let alone care.

 

The arena was made into an enormous swimming pool/water park of wine. The muses played in the amphitheater while spectators danced and staggered in tune to the deafening music blaring through gigantic speakers. Mr. D wandered in pure ecstasy throughout the camp, making those around him dance savagely. The strawberry fields had become overgrown with grape vines bearing plump and unearthly purple fruit, no doubt a middle finger to all of his years in servitude. Imperial purple smoke from sparking firecrackers coated the sky and made it feel like they were in the clouds themselves. 


	2. Hey, What If Those Guys Were Furries?

**Percy**

 

 

The fireworks are what woke Percy in a cold sweat and locked him in paralysis. After the war and his time in Tartarus, nights had become unbearable. He’d often find himself stuck in semiconsciousness for hours, too fatigued to wake up completely, but too anxious and uncomfortable to go back to sleep. It didn't seem too bad from the outside, but the restlessness and powerlessness of it were miserable to endure. The absolute dread of being trapped in his body in such a state of unrest led him to skip sleep for days on end. 

So far, this was working out pretty well. He hadn’t felt any worse for the wear physically, although there was a detached feeling that only got stronger as his waking cycle went on. And he knew better than to spar on his second or third day when his coordination was lowest. He'd have nightmares too, but the rate that he got them was much lower now that he was sleeping less frequently. Thankfully when he did rest, his body was so worn out it was most often just a dark loss of consciousness. That escape from his overworking mind had become precious to him. Tonight’s dreams were no exception and were luckily nonexistent. 

 

Lately, Percy had also gotten in the habit of sleeping fully clothed. Even though he knew he didn't really have to, knowing that he wouldn't have to worry about changing clothes or putting on shoes if there was an attack provided him with a small amount of security which he desperately needed. He knew he was holding himself together with rubber bands and paperclips, but these little things were what kept him sane.

 

Hearing the cheers and happy cries of the party outside, he began to ease up. He could hear faint bass and realized what was happening. After a few more minutes, he was able to stir himself enough to get out of his bunk and open the cabin door to investigate. He found Annabeth seated on his cabin's steps with her back to him. At first, it looked like it was snowing, but when she picked some of it out of her hair he realized it was some kind of confetti. 

 

Two young Apollo campers with confetti and leaves in their hair were jogging out of the cabin area laughing manically. They made kissy noises at the couple when they passed by his door before shrieking out more laughs. _Wellp, that confirms it,_ he thought piecing together what day, or night, it was. The Apollo kids' gaze behind her made Annabeth turn and she smiled when she saw Percy.

 

”Oh, good. You're awake. I got up a little earlier and thought I'd wait for you here. I didn't want to wake you, but it looks like I didn't have to." Percy chuckled lightly in response and she continued. "Apparently, we're both in time for Mr. D's retirement party." She scooted over and patted the space next to her. 

 

Percy felt his chest swell. Annabeth never questioned his sleeping patterns. She never tsked or chided him about how unhealthy it was, never asked him to open up about his nightmares, never told him to be an adult and face his demons. She understood and respected him enough to let him be. She knew he’d found a system that worked, at least for now, and knew that even a few hours that he could escape his thoughts was a blessing. Others might let him have his sleep out of courtesy, but only Annabeth would truly understand how important it was.

 

Annabeth smiled warmly at him. "What's the goofy grin fo–"She was interrupted by a loud splash and peals of laughter came from the arena.

 

Percy turned to Annabeth. "Was that–?"

 

"Oh, they converted it into a pool.” 

 

“Whaat?” 

 

“Yep.” She said it so nonchalantly, but Percy’s eyebrows must have run straight to his hairline because then she said, “Titus filled the Roman colosseum with water, sea animals, and legit _ships to_ stage battles way back when, and he was _mortal._ Of course, the head party planner was a son of Athena but that’s beside the point,” she was rambling cutely, and almost sounded like her old self. “Do you honestly think Mr. D would pass up the opportunity to turn the arena into a god-sized wine glass? ” and he realized that no, he couldn't. 

 

“Huh,” he said simply. His mind swam with thoughts of water battling in the arena as he went to sit next to her. He noticed two paper cups near her feet, one half empty, when what she said finally sunk in. “Wait, when you say wine glass, do you mean they…” 

 

She rolled her eyes and chuckled at him now. “Yeah, it’s filled with wine.”

 

“ _Real_ wine?” 

 

"Well, 'real’ is subjective. It’s some kind of divine wine. It’s no nectar though so I’m pretty sure it’s safe. I think it’s enchanted to just give the younger kids the equivalent of a sugar rush or something but for us…” She smiled goofily, which alone made Percy’s head spin.

 

“So you’ve been-?” Percy started, noticing her slight blush. Annabeth had never been the type to drink, casually or otherwise. She would say that she liked to "keep her wits about her" so often Percy was able to catch when she was about to say it and teasingly mimic her.

 

"Obviously, seaweed brain," she said her grin quickly swapped with a look. 

 

"But you like to–"

 

"Keep my wits about me?" Annabeth interrupted, "Yeah I know. But I mean, people are literally swimming in it. This is ridiculously tame by comparison. I doubt we're going to get the chance again, I wanted to at least try it." She paused for a moment. "And…it helps," she said more softly, offering him the other cup. 

 

Percy couldn't blame her for being curious or for wanting to drown out her demons. He trusted Annabeth and he’d realized long ago that mortal values like underage drinking don’t always translate into the demigod world. Still, he felt nervous in spite of himself as he took a sip.

But before he’d even swallowed all of his muscles relaxed and he could feel his worries and personal demons fade quietly away. 

He looked at the other camper's antics and felt an inexplicable warmth under his ribs. It was the best he'd felt in, he really couldn't remember. He looked over at Annabeth's lazy smile and scooted closer, leaning on her a little. She leaned back and they just stayed there like that watching the fireworks and confetti, taking everything in, reveling in finally being able to be at ease.

 

Some confetti fell in Annabeth's eye and she softly groaned. "Ugh, I guess the cleaning harpies are taking the night off. They're going to have fun with this tomorrow." 

 

Percy let out a small laugh and looked over her eye to make sure it wasn't irritated. He gently massaged her eyelid with his thumb before tracing it down her cheek. She was looking in his eyes now and Percy's chest clenched again. _Gods, she's cute_ , he thought. 

 

He leaned in for a kiss that evolved into a hug that Percy hoped conveyed his gratitude to have her in his life. After a while, they shifted to just sitting with his arm around her shoulder and hers around his waist. He watched her from the corner of his eye and absently plucked some stray pieces of confetti from her ponytail.

 

"What else have they done, besides...?" Percy asked gesturing toward the arena with the paper between his fingers.

 

"What, the arena and rides wasn't enough?" She joked. "I haven't been up long, so I'm not sure. I mean, there's that." She shot a finger over her shoulder and Percy saw roller coasters and flashing lights behind the trees bordering the opposite row of cabins. Percy felt like a four year old approaching Coney Island for the first time. "But I heard its for the young campers."

 

"You mean, we're not allowed?"Percy could feel a, for once, genuine puppy dog look forming on his face. 

 

"To be honest, I don't know. But look around, it doesn't seem like there's much we're 'not allowed' to do." He did and saw his friends and acquaintances engaged in all kinds of odd activities. 

 

He watched a group of boys climb onto the Aphrodite cabin to howl at the moon until one fell off. Percy started to rise to go over and help, but Annabeth put her hand on his bicep. He turned his head to look at her but she motioned with her eyes back to the guy. He got up and brushed it off like it was nothing before trying to climb back up with a weak howl. 

 

"What are you doing? He might not realize how bad he's hurt." Percy hovered a few inches off the step, unsure what to do.

 

"Oh, yeah. Don't worry, he's okay. I forgot, the wine makes you stronger. Not huge, but enough for a fall like that. Probably cuts down on accidental injuries."

 

"Oh, huh." Percy relaxed and let his d his arm fall back around Annabeth. "Hey, how do you know this, by the way?" 

 

"I saw Piper and them earlier. They were up when it all sprung up so they got a head start. Apparently there are even some gods roaming around."

 

"Really? Like who?" 

 

"Don't know that part. Oh! To continue answering your question, I heard some people talking about a concert a while ago, and Leo said they said there were bonfires over by the lake, which is probably the safest activity on tonight's roster."

 

"Hey, sound's romantic," he teased, tossing away the confetti and removing his arm to stand. "Let's go."

 

“Really, are you sure? You don't want to take a dip in enough wine to induce instant liver failure? And I saw how you were looking at those rides."

 

Annabeth put up a good front, but she was as fragile as he was. He really did want to check out all of the above, but he could tell the bonfire was her first choice. Percy had a feeling that the other options might trigger something, and he didn't want to risk it when he could just ride Blackjack for some thrills and nausea.

 

He pretended to toss it around, "You know, now that you mention it..." Annabeth rolled her eyes, smiling and grabbed both of their cups before getting up to meet him. "Don't worry, I think I've had enough excitement in my life. And besides, we can always come back. I want to go someplace quiet with you." 

 

"Oh, Percy." She handed Percy his drink and then touched her hand to his cheek. "Thank you." They laced their free hands together and she leaned her head on his shoulder while they walked to the lake. For a moment, they felt like they had when they were younger. Carefree, sheepishly in love, and minds blissfully unclouded.

 

They stopped short of the mess hall which was packed. No one bothered waiting in line so the crowds were so thick he couldn't even see what food was being served. But they did see that, true to her word, bonfires dotted the camp and lined the lakeshore in the distance. They pushed through all of the people and found a quieter area by the creek.

 

Each fire had a few logs spread intimately around them for seating. Several people were already seated and watched while Nymphs and campers moved around them in a way that could be interpreted as really bad or really artistic dancing. They hopped around the fires and flailed their arms as if they were trying to dislocate their shoulders, but somehow with the dull roar of music in the background, it worked. 

 

_Okay, but I'm not going to let one of them accidentally smack me in the jaw._ Percy looked for a bonfire without the dancers and spotted one with only two other couples snuggled close together gazing at the flames. He motioned toward a vacant log and Annabeth nodded. They sat for a moment just staring like the couples around them.

 

The fires were reddish with something wild and hypnotic about them. They awakened a vague primordial desire in him to take off his clothes and run into the woods. Looking closer, Percy saw what looked like figures dancing in the fire. But they would disappear as soon as they came, flicking and flitting in and out of his awareness. 

 

He couldn't be sure if they were actual creatures or illusions caused by the wine, but he desperately wanted to know. His breath slowed and his eyes started to glaze over. He focused his whole being on trying to determine just what he was looking at. Real or not, he was entranced.

 

It took him what felt like an eternity to tear his gaze away to look over at Annabeth, and saw that her eyebrows were knit together, likely trying to figure out what exactly she was seeing as well. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze and she almost begrudgingly turned to face him, pupils still glued to the fire out of the corner of her eyes. 

 

"Y-Yeah?" she replied still with a hint of confusion in her tone and only just starting to look him head on. 

 

"You wanna go see the fireworks? This place is a little too Lotus Casino for me." Percy said, and like someone had slapped him across the face he remembered Nico. Nico, who had also been in Tartarus, who had probably also been woken up by the noise, and who was probably alone right now. Percy swore to himself that he wouldn't let Nico suffer by himself. He wanted to be there for him like he and Annabeth were there for each other. Maybe they'd start some kind of Tartarus support group.

 

"What's going on in there?" Annabeth playfully knocked on his forehead, "Everything okay?"

 

"Annabeth, Nico." He said simply and understanding instantly flashed across her face. She moved to get up.

 

"Let's go get him," 

 

"Er...Maybe it would be better if-"

 

"If you just went to get him," she finished. 

 

"Oh, I was actually thinking you should."

 

"Hm, I think it might be better if you did." Percy could see the gears turning in her head. "I might be able to get him to come, but he might be...let down when we meet up with you." Her tone was apologetic but he understood what she meant. 

 

It was pretty well known around the camp that Nico had a thing for Annabeth, so their relationship was rough on him. He would definitely be disappointed if he thought he had a night with Annabeth only to realize he was a third wheel. 

 

"And I don't feel super comfortable using a honeypot-type maneuver to get him to socialize," she added.

 

Percy laughed at her terminology. "Fair point, Ms. Bond. So you're thinking I should be the one invite him to hang out with us?" 

 

"Well, I know your relationship is complicated,"

 

"Understatement," Percy interjected.

 

Annabeth ignored him and continued. "But maybe if the invite came from you it would feel more genuine."

 

" _And_ he wouldn't get any fancy ideas," Percy wiggled his eyebrows like a nerd and she playfully shoved his shoulder. "Heeey! I just mean because _you're_ our idea guy. We can't have two." 

 

"Idea _woman_ ," she corrected and they both grabbed their cups and stood up.

 

"Idea woman," Percy amended. "Oh, hey, where did you get these?" Percy asked raising his cup. "I was thinking about getting Nico one. Gods know he could use it." Annabeth chuckled.

 

"Take your pick. There are fountains everywhere. I think the closest would be the one by the Hermes cabin." Percy nodded and kissed her lightly. "I think I'll head over and get us a spot on the beach in the meantime. You were right about the Lotus Casino thing." Annabeth waved, and turned toward the fireworks, picking more confetti out of her hair and stumbling a little on her way.

 

Percy shook out his own hair and started to move toward the cabins, but he felt like someone had injected liquid cement into his legs while he wasn't looking. He couldn't tell if it was the fire or his drink and peered into his cup suspiciously. He wondered how exactly it differed from mortal wine, but after taking a quick gulp he felt much better and trotted off. Though, in addition to the warmth flowering in his stomach, he also felt a small twinge of dread.

 

He wasn't exactly Nico's favorite person, and to be fair, Nico wasn't exactly his either. It felt like everything he said annoyed him which only made Percy more clumsy with his words. After Nico's little stunt in the Underworld, most of their interactions were either pointed and clipped, or turned into shouting matches if Percy pressed further. Although they'd never had a stellar rapport after...Percy drank a few more sips to stop that line of thought in its tracks.

 

As far as he knew Percy didn’t smell, but it seemed like Nico couldn’t stand to be in his presence for more than a few moments regardless of what he did. It's not like he didn't know why there was bad blood between them, but he still checked that he put on deodorant just in case. 

 

Nico had a lot to resent him for, with...with his sister, Annabeth, and his lack of popularity contrasted with Percy's. Even so, Percy wasn't looking forward to facing his bitterness and jealousy alone, regardless of how justified or understandable it was. He was definitely getting Nico a cup of wine first and took another sip of his own. More warm fuzzies trailed through his body and reassured him everything would work out; he was doing the right thing.


	3. At Least The Stolls Are Having Fun

**Percy**

 

 

Percy trotted to the Hermes cabin and saw the Stoll brothers in some kind of a deathmatch with permanent markers. It looked like they were trying to draw on each other's faces even though neither of them had passed out yet. While they duked it out, Percy trotted over to what must have been one of the fountains. It definitely wasn't there normally and was pretty hard to miss. 

 

It was made of solid marble and looked like something you’d see in a museum or a fancy hotel lobby if it weren’t for the carved satyrs unsubtly spitting or urinating out streams of wine. _Classy_ , he thought and wondered how long it would be here. He considered making a mental note to stockpile wine while he could, but figured the it would disappear when the fountains did, regardless of where he kept it. 

 

He watched the Stolls in amusement and chuckled as he grabbed one of the cups stacked near the fountain, dunked it in, and pretended not to notice whoever's underwear was laying in the grass next to it. He sent a friendly wave to the two that neither appeared to notice and began making his way to the Hades cabin. Over his shoulder he heard a muffled _"Hi, Percy!"_ and _"Hey, man!"_ confirming that they had in fact seen him wave, which actually made him laugh in surprise.

 

His giggles dried up the instant he turned to climb up the obsidian steps of the Hades cabin, though. Percy drank what was left in his cup and steeled himself for whatever Nico was going to throw at him. He tried to ignore the skull hanging over the doorway and crushed his paper cup. Having nowhere else to put it, he slipped it in his pocket before knocking. No response. Percy looked around for a window to check for a sign that Nico was even here before remembering there were none. Percy knocked again and paused a moment before he decided to try knocking harder. This time heard a faint "Go away,” which both relieved and irritated him a little, but he tried to move past it.

 

"Nico, it's me!" He shouted through the door. He waited for a response. After a quiet moment he tried again. "I'm coming in!" Percy said in a playful tone, hoping a lighthearted approach would help to ease the tension. “Hope you’re not naked! At least cover whatever you don't want me to see!" He opened the door and saw Nico sitting up in bed, knees to his chest, and even in the dim green light Percy could tell his face was flushed. Nico was shy to a fault and probably sensitive. He should have known better.

 

"Aw, I'm sorry, man. I didn't mean to embarrass you." and Nico tensed further, leering at him.

 

"What do you _want?"_ he practically barked. Already off to a super start.

 

"Oh, um..." Percy stood there debating what he should do, but he was already here, so he might as well try. "Mr. D's throwing a pretty crazy going away party out there and I really think you should come out and join us." 

 

Nico didn't respond and Percy paused until he realized Nico wasn’t going to. Cool, okay, the conversation had already reached an awkward halt. Percy was unsure where to go from there. Maybe he could reach him by talking about how wild the party is. People were acting crazy, anyone would think so, maybe that inch of common ground could be enough to springboard from. He might even get a laugh.

 

”When I say crazy, I'm not kidding. You wouldn't believe it, people are going nuts. Like these x-rated satyr fountains have popped up everywhere. Like they all look like they have UTI's," _No laugh. Make him laugh._ "but apparently _some_ guy was a fan because I saw this pair of boxers laying in the grass next to one and..." _Shit._ He trailed off because while Nico had been giving him an unimpressed glare before, he'd become even more rigid and looked faintly disgusted. Percy figured it was better to give up on that route while he was still ahead.

 

He realized that Nico was born in a more respectable and conservative time. _Of course that would backfire, dumbass. Now he just thinks I’m a lowlife or something._ “Um anyway, so there are these fountains all over the place that are flowing with Mr. D’s magic wine, I guess. And so I, uh brought you some and there's other stuff, like fireworks and bonfires and...stuff." He was stumbling over his words, floundering already. "I thought you might want to try it, it's really good," he added, trying to sound friendly.

 

"I'm not thirsty." Nico muttered after a while. Percy started to walk toward Nico, but froze after Nico shot him an icy glare. Damn. He _knew_ this would go so much easier if Nico just tried the wine and got the same warm fuzzies, but the chances of that were looking slimmer and slimmer.

 

“Hey…look, I know what it was like in..." he paused, trying to choose his words carefully, "I know what it was like, you know, in Tartarus. Annabeth and I get it." Nico's eyes looked like they could peel paint and Percy inwardly groaned. He should have known better than to mention her, "but this stuff actually makes you feel better," gesturing to the cup in his hand. 

 

Percy then realized that it sounded like he was trying to convince a teenager to try alcoholism and cringed mentally. _Definitely not coming off like a lowlife._ "I mean, not necessarily because it’ll get you drunk. It’s non-alcoholic for younger campers so for you it might not even–“ He decided not to finish when he saw Nico tense up again. “What I’m saying is it's god-wine, and who knows when we’ll get the chance again. Come on, take a break from sleeping or...whatever you're doing in here, and have some fun with us...It beats nightmares and stuff.”

 

He just stood there, still smiling in pathetic attempt to look open and friendly. He felt like a car salesman who knows he’s not going to make a sale and might be fired but still has to keep up appearances until the client leaves. He scolded himself for his overactive imagination, but he could tell that Nico wasn’t about to start fist pumping. It didn’t look like he was going to move or say anything else whatsoever so Percy decided to throw in the towel. 

 

“Well, you can stay here too, I guess. I just thought I’d offer.” He moved to place Nico’s cup on a table by the door. “Anyway I’ll leave this here in case you want it.” He was about to apologize for disturbing him but Nico cut him off.

 

"I _told_ you I don't want it!" Nico snapped. Percy started chanting, _be patient, be patient,_ in his head.

 

"Nico, what I'm trying to say is that I don't want you to feel like you have to go through this by yourself. Annabeth and I want to be here for you. Maybe having a fun night out with friends could be really good for you." Percy watched as he saw Nico digest that. He thought he saw Nico's expression soften slightly before it twisted back into anger.

 

"Yeah..." Nico chuckled humorlessly. "You always _say_ we're friends but it's not like you ever actually mean it."

 

"Nico I'm just–“ he started again feeling a small tickle in his throat.

 

"I don't understand why you keep pretending we're _pals_." he practically spit the word out but then laughed again and the odd combination sent a chill down Percy's spine. "I'm starting to think you're a sadist or something. It’s never fucking enough for you, is it?” 

 

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Percy staggered back, surprised and hurt, and balled his free hand. Before he knew what he was doing he took an aggressive stance and was accusatorially pointing his finger at Nico. If Nico wanted to do this, then fine. "That's not true and you know it!" _Shit, I didn't mean to yell that loud._

 

“I don't want your pity, Percy! I just want to be alone, okay?" Nico was nearly shrieking at this point.

 

"What? I'm not–!"

 

"You think it's not obvious!? You don't care about me! Do you think I'm _that_ stupid? No, I see what this is about. This is about you wanting to be the hero who reaches out to the guy nobody likes. It's not like I've ever been anything other than a prop to make you look good! Well, _fuck you_ , I'm not your prop!"

 

"So that's what you think?" Is that how Percy seemed? Some guy that uses people and gets off on hero worship? Was...was he right?

 

"What, that I'm some photo-op for you? Yeah! I think that you can't stand it if somebody, somewhere, doesn't like you! But here's a surprise, _I don't like you._ Do you have any idea how hard it is just to look at you? Do you know what I see?" Percy winced when he realized he must remind Nico of Bianca. "Friends? I'm sick of this! I don't want to be your friend, Percy!"

 

”I’m not pitying you! And I'm not using you!" The tickle turned into a knot in his throat from the insult and his guilt. He needed to compose himself fast. He refused to start crying in front of Nico because he got his feelings hurt like some six year old. "If you took just half a second to stop being such a self-absorbed brat, you might see that people are actually trying to help you!" Percy shouted back.

 

Percy hadn't predicted this, but wasn't surprised by it, really. He and Nico had bad blood, really bad blood. He was starting to see the possibility that he would never be able to mend things between them. It was too frustrating to talk to Nico, too painful. And right now he was too angry. He had to go.

 

"Get out!"

 

"Gladly. Here's your drink!" Percy yelled smacking the cup down on the table by the door, splashing wine on his hand, "And here's your solitude! Now try growing the hell up!" and he walked out and slammed the door. 

 

Outside, he wiped his hand on his jeans and immediately put the heels of his palms in his eye sockets to calm himself. He stood there for ten minutes that felt like an hour. He thanked the gods that Nico's cabin didn't have windows and that he couldn't look outside to see the so-called hero biting his lip, trying not to cry. Judging from his palms he was still crying anyway. That had not gone as well as he'd planned.

 

 

 

 

**Nico**

 

 

Nico looked at his ugly bony knees poking through his blanket and let out a quiet sob. He grabbed his sides and laid back down, muffling his cries with his pillow. He'd just alienated one of his very precious few friends, for nothing more than being thoughtful and bringing him a drink. If only Percy knew what kind of thoughts he had about him, he'd see that he didn't deserve his kindness. _Maybe I finally chased him away for good,_ Nico thought with another chain of cries that raked through his chest.

 

He kept replaying the moment Percy's expression evolved from his fake, polite smile to shock and hurt, and finally that burning hatred. He abhorred himself; it felt like he'd just handed Percy over to his father all over again. The guilt surrounded him like the darkness in his cabin. The way Percy had looked at him was the exact same way he'd looked at him then. It reminded Nico of the way Percy sized up monsters. He couldn't think about anything else. 


	4. Thank the Gods Hazel Wasn't Showering

**Percy**

 

 

Percy tried to suppress the feelings of regret and loathing but just didn’t have the energy anymore. He just screamed at the kid whose sister died on _his_ watch because he got his feelings hurt. Percy pulled his hands away and wiped them on his jeans before drying his eyes with his shirt. He threw a tantrum and for what, so Nico wouldn’t see him vulnerable? 

 

Yes, he had a threshold and Nico was pretty vicious back there, but yelling at a grieving kid who's lashing out was not the mature thing to do. And he'd ended up doing the exact opposite of what he meant to. As he clomped heavily down the stairs he thought about what Nico had said and tried to think of how Annabeth would dissect the situation. 

 

Trying to help Nico was the right thing to do, but was he doing it for the right reasons? Did he care about Nico, was his concern just out of moral obligation, or was it just his own narcissism? He thought about how everything is just shades of gray and it was probably all three.

 

_I don’t want to be your friend, Percy!_ That had stung, but not because he thought of himself as being so great that he was impossible to dislike. He was used to plenty of people not liking him, humans and otherwise. Then again, that was usually for things out of his control, like stuff his dad had done or not having money or cool clothes growing up. When it came to heroism he was usually praised for his decisions and had his mistakes glossed over.

 

Did he have a hero complex? Did he just want to prove that all of the naysayers were wrong about him? In a way...yeah. Growing up the way he did leaves scars that don't just go away. Sometimes during his great accomplishments, Percy would find himself wishing his old classmates or Gabe could see him, just so they could see how wrong they were about him. As if the people he'd saved existed just so Percy could show up some kids at school that probably don't even remember him anymore.

 

Percy was starting to feel way too sober. He really didn't want to think about this anymore, and started to meander toward the fountain by the Hermes cabin but stopped and sat on the edge instead. He took his crumpled cup out of his pocked and started trying to smooth it back out, like if he could make this cup as good as new, he could somehow make the situation right.

 

He thought about Annabeth and what she'd told him about developing emotional intelligence. He couldn't remember her exact words but it was something like _"Sometimes it's necessary to take a..."_ Harsh? No, that wasn't right. Oh. _"a firm but understanding look at your actions and their impact."_ Something like that. He remembered the next part clearly though because he'd repeat it to himself often. _"Nothing gets done if you spend eternity beating yourself up. You have to own up to your mistakes and try to be better."_

 

So that's exactly what he was going to do. He needed to understand why he did what he did. He needed to know if Nico was right. Did he subconsciously view Nico like those other people, just another challenge for him to overcome or just another mind to change? He wasn't sure. 

 

Thinking about Gabe brought back the uncomfortable feeling Percy buried deep about his hand in his death and indirectly making his mother a murderer. He didn't regret it, really; if anyone deserved it disgusting Gabe did, but it was still mortal blood on his hands. Despite what his logical mind said, he decided that discomfort was guilt. Which...right, Bianca. Was Percy trying to befriend Nico to make himself feel better about Bianca’s death? Maybe his motivations actually were selfish.

 

He thought back to the moment he remembered Nico by the bonfire and knew his original intentions were compassionate, but also knew that he was driven by his ego at other points too. Shades of gray again, probably. Soul searching aside, he realized he’d done more harm than good and wanted to make up for that if he could. Because even if he felt altruistic, there was room for doubt, and right or wrong he had hurt Nico. He would help Nico heal however he could. If for nothing else, _because_ he could and because Nico both needed and deserved to have someone on his side. Simple as it was, he decided that _that_ was the right reason.

 

Percy turned back around toward the Hades cabin but Nico's words still rang in his ears. _Get out!_ Maybe being alone really was what he wanted. Percy doubted it, but he also doubted that his presence helped any. Even if it wasn't through him, he just wanted someone to be there for Nico, especially now that things had gone bad. But, he wasn't the only one who cared about Nico. It was worth a try at least. He jogged back to his own cabin and checked the pockets in a pair of pants laying on the floor and...Success!

 

He grabbed the drachma and tossed it in the fountain in the corner of his room and prayed, _Oh Iris, goddess of the Rainbow, please accept my offering._ "Hazel Levesque," he said aloud, also praying this was a good idea. He should have gotten a second opinion first, but Hazel's face had already appeared. 

 

She must have been planning to stay in for the night because it was dark and it looked like she was in bed with a book. From what he could make out from her bedside lamp, she was wearing a hair wrap and a Minnie Mouse t-shirt. He realized that this might definitely be a bad idea and didn’t want to embarrass her, but before he could end the call her eyelids fluttered in the light from the call and she seemed to realize what was happening.

 

"Hm?" She drew he sound out in an almost cutesy way without looking up from her book. "Did you fo–?" She started, probably mistaking him for someone else, Percy guessed Frank, but then she glanced over and her eyes grew wide when she saw who it was. "Percy! Oh! Uh! Hold on, please!" and after a few moments, she said "Gods, what is it, two in the morning there?" from wherever she'd gone. The light flicked on and she returned after a few more moments, hair unwrapped and now wearing a green sweater. "Is everything okay? Did something happen?" Percy checked his watch.

 

"Oh, gods, I'm sorry. Uh, it's one, actually. And sorry again, I didn't mean to bother you." Percy could feel how disjointed his rambling was as he was talking. He liked Hazel a lot, and was normally more comfortable around her, but felt sheepish now that he'd disturbed her. "I wasn't thinking about the time. I just thought–Oh, and everything's all right by the way, I mean mostly." Hazel started to look nervous. "Don't worry, it's not like, life or death or anything I'm just a little worried about Nico, I guess." He realized he wasn't even sure what he wanted to ask her. Or, he wasn't sure how to ask this sort of thing.  


"Is he okay? What's the matter?" Hazel shifted uncomfortably. She had a sad but resigned expression, like she'd expected this.

 

"After everything he's been through, I mean, after everything that's happened," he tripped over his words again, "I just think that he really needs a friend, you know?" She nodded in agreement and he continued. "I've tried to reach out to him," her eyes flashed with a brief hint of something though Percy couldn't place it, "but it seems like every time I do, he just closes himself off and I feel like I do more damage than not." Hazel nodded again, pensive.

 

"Actually, I was hoping that maybe you could help. He trusts you, and anyone can see how much he loves you." She's smiled with pride at the thought. "I thought that you could come and be with him? Just for the night? We just fought a little and I don't want to leave him alone...uh, if...you know what I mean." There's a brief pause, the air heavy with implications of what Nico might do if he was left alone. 

 

It was common for demigods to have scars, but it was obvious when they were from sword fighting or monsters. Nico's were different. Percy had seen some of the scars, though he pretended not to. Sometimes when Nico wore short sleeves they would shift or ride up and reveal needle thin marks on his upper arms and shoulders in various stages of healing. The way Nico would absently tug his sleeves down was enough for him to put two and two together. 

 

Hazel shifted uncomfortably again, but nodded. "I know what you mean," she said softly, almost to herself, then cleared her throat. "I can do that. I think you're right, Nico shouldn't be alone. I'll try to be there soon." She smiled gently and Percy returned it gratefully. "I'm glad you called. Thank you for looking out for him, Percy."

 

"Thank _you_. That makes me feel a lot better. But are you sure it’s really okay? It is kind of late; I can try to patch things up myself.” Hazel looked a little nervous as he said that.

 

“No, no, that's fine," she said quickly. "My shadow travel skills could always use some brushing up and this book was boring me to tears." She tossed it aside for emphasis. "But I’ll let you know if I have any trouble.” She gave a delicate wave and cut through the mist with her hand.

 


	5. If Only They Knew Nico Secretly Loved Swirly Straws

 

**Percy**  

 

 

Percy could tell that despite what she'd said, Hazel was concerned, which was reasonable, considering. He just prayed that he’d made the right decision as he headed back outside and made his way for the beach where Annabeth was waiting. He barely realized he was walking, still too lost in thought, until he noticed the sand crunch under his shoes. Although he couldn’t hear them from this distance, he could feel the pull of the waves and that helped to ease his mind some. He walked along the fringe of the beach behind the people lounging and waiting to watch the fireworks.

 

It seemed like the fireworks went off periodically rather than as part of just one show. For the most part the beach was dark, only lit by the bonfires and a few tiki torches here and there but he kept scanning the shoreline. A few rockets whined as they soared up and following the explosion, everything was bathed in magenta. 

 

It lasted long enough that he was able to spot her sitting and gazing at the displays in the sky. Thankfully here, at least, it wasn't raining confetti, and the smoke had parted, leaving a clear view of the fireworks. Percy walked over and sat down beside her. "Hey," he said quietly.

 

"Hey, how'd it go? You've been gone a whil-" She stopped when she saw the look in his eyes and switched gears. "What happened?"

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you waiting.”

 

She waved his apology away. “I’ve been fine, but what happened with you two?”

 

“I-I kind of yelled at him."

 

"Just tell me what happened," she repeated cooly.

 

"It's so hard to talk to him. Talking with him is like walking through a minefield. I said a couple things that seemed innocent enough..."

 

"Uh huh?"

 

"But it got heated and he said some stuff that was a little too close to home, so I called him a brat and I sort of stormed out," he paused looking at her, dejected, "Well okay, he yelled for me to get out and then I stormed out."

 

"I know Nico can be tough, but you have to be patient with him. Remember, he's been through a lot and it's easy to forget that he's still just a kid."

 

"Yeah, we've all been through a lot," he heard how irritated his tone was and sighed, "But you're right, sorry. It’s still kind of fresh.

“It's okay. What else did he say?” Her tone was diplomatic but Percy knew it wasn't a front. Annabeth liked to gather facts and evidence before forming her opinions. 

He sighed, dreading going over it again, but wanted to hear her perspective. If anyone could make sense of things she could. “He said that I only want to help him out of guilt or pity or something." Percy paused and Annabeth just nodded, patiently encouraging him to continue. "And that I just want him as a friend to reassure myself or other people that I’m a good person, if that makes sense" he paused.

 

"It does. And after that you left?"  

 

"Yeah. I just kind of hung around outside thinking about it."

 

Annabeth smiled. "I'm impressed."

 

"Impressed?"

 

"Well, you tend to rush into things. Pausing to reflect isn't usually your first instinct, which is fine, but I think it shows..." Percy held his breath while she tried to find the right word. "...prudence that you didn't have when you were younger. I think it's a mark of your growth."  


Percy exhaled with relief and chuckled. "Thanks, wise girl."

 

"Draw any conclusions?"

 

"He’s kind of right, but, I mean, that’s only on a subconscious level, I think, or I'm pretty sure,” he sputtered embarrassed, “Cause like, I guess I have become kind of egotistical and I do feel guilty, and think I’ve gotta work on that. But the core of it is that I want to help him because I think he’s a good person who just needs some help for once, you know?”

"I know. And it's okay. There are always a number of subconscious motivating forces behind your actions. But it seems like you're aware of what most of them are in regard to Nico, and are really thinking critically about them. Acknowledging your flaws is the first step toward overcoming them." She smiled and touched her hand to his. “I can tell you’ve really thought about this.” 

 

Percy felt a good quarter of the weight on his shoulders slide off; this was high praise. He wasn't sure how to react, but was glad Annabeth approved and smiled. “Kinda, it’s part of what took so long." 

 

Annabeth tensed just slightly, "Oh, was there something else?"

 

"Oh, yeah. So I wanted to go back and apologize, but I knew that probably wouldn't end well, so I asked Hazel to talk to him and keep him company." She rubbed his arm lightly.

“Probably best that you didn't go back. The way you described it, Nico seemed kind of overwhelmed. You both were, right?"

 

"Yeah, that's kind of an understatement."

 

"Yeah, I don't think that would've gone well. But are you sure Nico was ready for more company after something like that?"  


"Well no, not sure. But doesn't it help to have someone to talk it out with?" He squeezed her knee in a jokey way to playfully acknowledge that that's what they were doing.

 

"It can be, it's definitely healthy," she smiled, "but directly after something like that people need to retreat for a bit to dissect things, like you did." He could see she was leading him somewhere.

 

"Right, but I didn't call Hazel _right_ after. It was after I had thought and dissected and everything, so there was time." 

 

"Well yes, but you also have to consider that people process things at different rates. Some people take a while." 

 

Percy's shoulders went slack. "I didn't think of that."

 

"You were just trying to be empathetic. And I'm not saying that calling Hazel was a mistake exactly, just a gamble."

 

"Should I call her and tell her not to come?"

 

Annabeth waved her hand. "What's done is done. Knowing her, she's probably already here by now."

 

"Yeah, you're probably right."

 

"What did you tell her though?"

 

"Just that we'd gotten in a fight and I felt like he could use someone to talk to." 

 

"Did it seem like she was she okay to come?"

“Yeah, she was still up, but she was in bed. She said it was fine but I still felt bad for bothering her." Percy was starting to regret it now and was thinking about her response. "Oh, but she agreed that it was a good idea!" He tacked on.

 

"Well, she is close with Nico." 

 

"Final verdict?"

 

She opened her mouth but paused again, choosing her next words carefully. "I wasn't there obviously, but I think overall you handled it pretty well. I'm not sure how Nico will feel when Hazel shows up, or how she might feel if he asks her to go and she has to make a round trip for nothing. But there's always the very real possibility that he does need someone right now, in which case her presence could be a lifeline for him. You spoke with him firsthand so you have a better grasp of the situation than I do."

 

Percy thought about that, and of course realized he hadn't seen the whole picture or considered all of the possibilities. But he reviewed his conversation with Nico briefly. He felt a twinge of guilt but set it aside to focus. Nico had been angry, but Percy could see that he was lonely too. He started to feel more confident that Nico wouldn't turn Hazel away. "I think it'll work out," he said finally.

 

"Okay." Annabeth's response was simple and light and that was reassuring. There wasn't anything else to worry about. _What's done is done_ , he thought echoing her words earlier. _We'll just have to see how it all ends up._ _But,_

 

"You don’t think I should try to talk to him again though, right? At least to apologize?”

 

“Maybe later when things have cooled down. I think you've done enough damage for one night, seaweed brain,” Percy made a face at the remark and she smiled good-naturedly. “He'll probably need his space from you for now. But my bet, is that once the dust settles, he'll see that you reached out to him and that you're trying. Even if he doesn't show it, I bet he appreciates it."

 

“I hope you’re right.” He groaned. “I _might_ have done a decent job of damage control, but I really messed up with Nico.” He laced his hands together and looked down at them, fiddling with his thumbs. Percy sighed for the thousandth time that night.

 

“I completely agree. It sounds like you blew it." He looked back up at Annabeth about to panic. "You should have brought him something with a little more razzle dazzle, like a margarita.” She made mini jazz hands and wiggled her fingers when she said razzle dazzle. Percy burst into hysterical laughter, surprised at her joke, and she joined in.

 

“No, no, a strawberry daiquiri! In a huge glass! With like four mini umbrellas! With smiley faces!" Percy insisted between gasps of air. 

 

"That's pretty razzly, but what about a too-long swirly straw that goes around your neck for the dazzle?"

 

Percy let out a new round of snickers. "Gods, I'm an _idiot_ , why didn't I think of that?"

 

"You're not a daughter of Athena." 

 

"I'll definitely do that next time."

 

"Can't go wrong."

 

The thought of Nico’s face if he’d brought him anything with a swirly straw was bittersweet, because while hilarious, Percy knew he was only as gloomy as he was because he was mourning. Mostly, Percy just needed an excuse to release his pent up emotions. Laughter was the perfect outlet, which he assumed Annabeth somehow knew. 

 

Exhausted from laughing and crying and just everything, he looked up and watched the latest set of fireworks in silence. The intermittent crackles, the sound of the waves lapping at the shore, and Annabeth's warmth soothed him. After the night’s events he finally felt content enough to stop analyzing, stop beating himself up, and just be. He began to doze off on her shoulder until he felt someone kick him lightly in the back. Percy looked up to see a dark figure standing over him, swaying a little.


	6. Do You Think Hera Jazzercises Though?

**Percy**

 

"Nico!" Percy exclaimed, shock evident in his voice. He was relieved to see Hazel come jogging up after him and waved. She gave a quick _Hi, guys,_ before she hunched over slightly with her hand on her diaphragm, catching her breath. Bless her. She was a literal saint.

 

"Hey, Percy...Annbeth." His words came out a little slurred. He'd clearly tried the wine or might've even supplemented it with mortal alcohol judging from his demeanor. Nico had an odd, faint smile, but then, Nico smiling at all was weird in and of itself. It seemed like his gaze kept resting on Percy before looking away. It was obvious to Percy that Nico was nervous and probably felt bad about what happened between them, he knew he did. And Nico was usually awkward socially, so Percy assumed the smile was his way of trying to be friendly.

 

"Hey, Hazel! Hi, Nico." Annabeth offered Nico a more subdued smile and brought a knee up to her chest. While the movement and her body language were natural, Percy could tell that she wasn't one hundred percent comfortable. It occurred to him that Nico's crush put her in kind of an awkward position, having to balance being friendly without feeding any ideas he might have about her.

 

Percy figured he'd try to be a buffer for her and patted the sand by him. "Hey, buddy. Feel like sitting?" He caught Annabeth peek at him from the corner of her eye and flash a brief smile. Percy was starting to feel good about becoming less dense and growing empathic awareness. He was practically becoming an honorary daughter of Athena. Or son. Whatever.

 

"Okay!" Nico sounded like an excited kid and Percy had to keep himself from laughing. He didn't think he'd ever heard Nico so peppy since he was a child. Nico tried to cross his legs on his way to sitting, but crumpled to the ground instead. Percy was torn about touching him, but ended up helping him get in a sitting position with no complaints. Unfortunately, Nico could barely maintain that position, and kept teetering from one side to the other. "Nyeahheyagess." he murmured before grabbing his ankles to anchor himself.

 

Okay, his words were really slurred Percy realized, and he tried to gauge how drunk he was. Nico's eyes kept sliding around in different directions like slow motion googly eyes. Nico looked _gone,_ like _far_ gone. Percy smiled back but was inwardly panicking. _Oh gods, did I get Nico smashed?_ He didn't think the wine was that strong. He wasn't even sure if Nico would be considered old enough for it to be alcoholic! 

 

Nico's head lolled to the side and he was staring blankly at the pair. Percy had been a little out of it, and the wine might have played a part in not being able to keep a cool head with Nico, but he wasn't like _this._ Then again, he knew to pace himself. Nico was younger, smaller and definitely weighed less. Percy assumed he wasn't hydrated either so that cup might've just hit him like a truck if he drank it all at once. He could feel his face getting warm with embarrassment. _Well, I'm officially a bad person._

 

Hazel moved between Nico and Annabeth and tucked her feet beneath her knees to sit before she smoothed out her skirt. At least she was here to act as a buffer between Nico and Percy. He animatedly mouthed thank you to her when she settled into place, hoping she knew how appreciative he was. She smiled back and asked "So...what is all of this?" gesturing to the area around her and sounding just a little tipsy herself.

 

"Oh, Dionysus, finished his work here, so he's having a blowout to celebrate his return to Olympus." Annabeth explained. 

 

"Well, _that_ explains the wine," and Hazel let out a string of giggles. 

 

"Oh, um, have you two been drinking?" Annabeth asked mildly amused and biting back her own snicker. Nico let out an exaggerated and almost cartoonish _Duuuuuh_ , and Hazel burped lightly in agreement. They both started cackling at that and even Percy and Annabeth joined in, shocked that Nico was _laughing_ and Hazel had _burped_. Even if it did seem like they'd been invaded by Bodysnatchers, it felt good to laugh with them. It felt simple. 

 

It was anything but simple though. He knew it took a lot for both of them to be here, and wanted to thank Nico next. When their laughs petered out, Percy turned to him to at least let him know that he was happy he'd joined them. "I'm really happy you decided to come out. I really didn't expect you to, so I'm really proud of you, you know." Percy said smiling. Nico looked stunned like Percy had just asked him to do advanced calculus.

 

"What!? No I din! Wayasec." Nico put his hands on his head while he thought. Percy regretted bringing it up now, having no idea how Nico was interpreting it. Nico moved his hands to cover his eyes as if he was playing peek-a-boo. "Aryu saneyanoo!?" Nico faced him, eyes still covered. It sounded like a question, but Percy had no idea how to answer it. Apparently he didn't have to though, because Nico shouted "Ohhhhh!" His arms shot straight out with some sort of realization which led into a fit of giggles. 

 

Hazel giggled along, but glanced at Nico nervously, and Percy felt like he was on the outside of some inside joke. He just stared wide-eyed, partly trying to figure out what Nico'd just said and partly because it was one of the very few times he'd heard Nico laugh this much. He turned to Annabeth and she looked as surprised and baffled as he was.

 

Percy didn't get the joke, but he was grateful regardless. He assumed Nico and Hazel would hole up in their cabin. He would have never guessed that Nico would want to join in the festivities, let alone come and find _them_. Judging from her reaction, even Annabeth hadn't expected this either. 

 

Nico seemed like he'd calmed down, although maybe calm wasn't the right word. _But_ he wasn't shouting. Okay he did just shout, but he didn't seem mad. He was _trying_. Percy was thankful that Nico was trying to fix things but he didn't want to sweep what had happened under the rug. He wanted to at least give a brief apology now and then a better one in private once they were both sober to avoid having any elephants in the room. But man, Nico was laughing. 

 

When the shock subsided and it got quieter he figured this was as good of a time as any. "Nico, I wanted to say that I'm sor–" Percy began, but for a second it looked like Nico was about to cry.

 

"Percy, I'm sorry. Please, I'm so sorry." Nico mumbled with his head bobbed, tugging repeatedly on Percy's sleeve. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, I'm so sorry, Percy." 

 

Percy heartstrings tugged and it was all he could do to keep from welling up again. You'd think Percy of all people would be able to control his tears, but right now it was shaky at best. On top of that, Nico was casually touching him. Wow! "Hey, it's okay. I'm sorry too, Nico. I overreacte–" Before he could finish, Nico pounced out of nowhere and threw himself onto Percy with a drunken hug.

 

"I love you so much, Percy." Percy felt like his chest was splitting in two, overcome with the sudden openness and trust Nico was showing him. He returned the hug and patted his back. Hazel was watching the fireworks, but Annabeth was watching closely, clearly entertained. He grinned with his chin still on Nico's shoulder and glanced to Annabeth like _Oh, my gods!_ Her expression reflected the giddy feeling back at him.

 

"I love you too, buddy." After clarifying his emotions, Percy was confident that he meant it. He remembered the way Nico used to look at him when they'd first met, like he was superman or something. Sometimes he'd catch Nico looking at him with an unguarded expression, not quite the awe he'd had in his youth, but something. Percy sometimes thought of Nico as a failed protege, and it made him wonder about what might have been if he'd been able to dedicate himself to properly teaching and training him like one. If Bianca had survived it might have been a real possibility instead of the chain of disappointments and failures that made up the bulk of their relationship.

 

But Nico was reaching out to him now which was what mattered. Sure, it took him getting plastered on otherworldly wine to do it openly, but it was a start and Percy wasn't going to pass it up. The hug was going on for a little too long though and Percy wondered if Nico had finally lost consciousness and blacked out. But Percy's ear began to tickle and after a few moments he felt teeth. Nico was nibbling on his ear. _Oh, gods._ Percy took that as his cue to gently pull him off. 

 

"No..." Nico whined like a three year old being torn from a toy, and Percy wondered if Nico had originally intended to make amends by finding him, or if he even had enough presence of mind to think that far. Because he must be tripping balls right now. 

 

Percy recalled the way he felt looking at the bonfire and thought about the bacchanalias of ancient times when people would tear animals and each other limb from limb in a frenzy. He wondered if cannibalism was on their roster too, but looking at Nico's dopey expression he wasn't too worried. Percy amused himself trying to imagine what Nico was envisioning him as, and was torn between a talking blob of spaghetti with noodle arms, an animate gummy bear, or the classic floating turkey leg. All the same, he thanked the gods that he'd only given him the one cup or Percy might be missing an earlobe right now or worse. 

 

Whether he was aware or not, it ultimately didn't matter too much. Percy would apologize when he knew he was sober and would tell Nico that he planned on being a supportive presence in his life if he would let him. For the time being, Percy would just soak up his wacky behavior and save it as bribery material when they were on more stable ground. 

 

Nico leaned in again, this time resting in Percy's lap. He closed his eyes and murmured something, but it was muffled by Percy's calf and too soft to make out. Percy just stared at him dumbfounded. He knew it was the wine, but it was still weird. It would probably be as strange as his mom just casually mentioning that she's been taking a jazzercise class with Hera for years. Unsure how to react, Percy looked up at Hazel who wasn't paying much attention, then Annabeth who shrugged gave him a look that said _Don't look at me, I didn't even_ know _your mom jazzercised._

 

Percy looked back down to Nico who looked like he was drifting off to sleep. _Of course. Guess I'm stuck to this spot for the next ten hours._ It was hard to believe that Nico had this cuddly kiddish side to him, and Percy wondered what else was hidden behind his defenses. No, Percy resolved that he would never tell Nico about this. The whole teasing tact didn't seem to work well with Nico and he didn't want to risk him taking it to heart or mulling over it. That was a wedge he could avoid driving between the two of them. Percy would keep these antics to himself it as his own private memory.


	7. Spoiler Alert: Drew Tanaka Steps in the Vomit

**Percy**

 

 

"Hazel, how much has he had?" Annabeth asked, probably trying to throw Percy a lifeline. Her expression turned softly quizzical when she looked back to Percy who had already made his peace with the situation.

 

Hazel looked up from her shoes trying to appear composed and like she was thinking seriously about the question, but was very obviously struggling to suppress another fit of giggles. "Well, Annabeth, thank you for asking. You are a beautiful person, so thank you for that..pffft haha oh my gods that was irrelevant, sorry. Yes, right. Okay." 

 

_Styx, seriously?_ It was clear Hazel wasn't sober, but she hadn't seemed _too_ drunk, probably because she hadn't said much before. Percy hadn't realized she was only marginally more sober than Nico. She could barely string a sentence together!

 

"Oh, uh, thank you but–"

 

"Now now, I'm getting to it don't worry. So, did he...? Yes, I think that's right, he had a few before I got here...I think, no, ha, yes, no, I'm certain." 

 

_Plural. So that meant Nico had left his cabin to get more wine before Hazel even arrived?_ Percy was initially relieved that he hadn't singlehandedly boozed the guy up. But could that mean..had their fight driven Nico to drink? He'd felt like drinking after, sure. But he didn't know how he felt about inflicting that on another person, even if it was mutual.

 

"And then I, well no, _we_ tried some. Or I mean, _I_ tried some and _he_ had some _more_...and then some turned into a lot," She said before boisterously erupting into laughter, practically honking as she said 'lot'. Hazel finally gave in to the hilarity she'd been holding back and threw her head back with full force, making loud, awkward guffaws. The noise drew a couple looks from the people around them that weren't staring at the bonfires. It wasn't that wild in comparison some other campers' antics though, so they became quickly disinterested. 

 

Annabeth and Percy shared a look and Percy pinched the bridge of his nose. Well, his half-baked plan hadn't backfired exactly. Nico was curled like a kitten in his lap and Hazel was chortling into the night, but things could have definitely turned out worse, maybe not stranger, but worse. He chose to count his blessings with a sigh but saw Hazel looking at the two of them with a glint of worry between involuntary giggles. Percy just smiled and shook his head at her in mock admonishment to let her know that it was okay.

 

"You know," Percy said looking down at the gently smiling kid nestled over his legs, "maybe that was exactly what he needed." He didn't know how Nico would react tomorrow, or whether he'd return to his usual heavily guarded self. But maybe he just needed an excuse to dive in headfirst and lower those barriers. If he remembered tonight at all, it might desensitize him and help him feel more comfortable doing something like this again. 

 

Hazel actually looked genuinely thoughtful at what Percy had said for a moment, but then said, "You know what I need? I need to forget what I saw going on behind the Ares cabin. That's what I need," and she began laughing again. Nico stirred from Percy's lap and started guffawing along with her. While he was curious, Percy wasn't sure he wanted to know and let the opportunity to ask pass.

 

"This is going pretty well," Annabeth whispered to Percy. He smiled down at Nico and nodded slightly in agreement. It was all thanks to her too; without her advice, both tonight and prior, he could have ended up burning the bridge with Nico irreparably, hell, he'd probably have done that a long time ago. 

 

He was beyond happy that they could all be there together, their own strange little support group like he imagined. He leaned over to kiss her as a placeholder for the thanks he wanted to give her. Percy was literally thinking about how surprised he was with how well everything was turning out when he broke from the kiss with a grin and saw too late that Nico was staring at him with a detached, glazed look in his eyes. His face contorted and flushed with color and Nico started to actually cry this time.

 

_Fuck._ Percy cursed himself for being so careless. _I really am a dick, sitting here patting myself on the back like it wasn't entirely Nico's choice to be here. And then I thank him by rubbing salt in one of his open wounds. It's not even like I didn't know about it! I just couldn't shelf the PDA for thirty minutes! Gods, I'm so stupid!_ _Ugh, no, stop thinking only about yourself, dumbass; help Nico._

 

Percy tried to rub his hair a little, but Nico violently recoiled. He propped himself up with his arms and quickly climbed out of his lap. His body may have processed some of the alcohol while he was unconscious, assuming Mr. D's wine worked similarly to regular alcohol, though that could be assuming a lot. But Nico seemed more aware of things now which was clear in the betrayed look he was giving Percy. _Yeah, no more turkey leg, he definitely knows who I am now._

 

He crawled away from the group and started to sob heavily which made Percy's stomach drop and he could feel himself blushing, mortified, for the second time. Hazel moved closer to Nico to rub his back, trying to calm him while Annabeth was frozen in place, totally silent. Percy felt the same way, he could barely move or think of what to do. What _could_ he say or do that wouldn't make Nico feel worse? 

 

Yes, Nico needed to get over their relationship, his crush wasn't doing anybody any favors. But long-held emotions don't just disappear at the drop of a hat. He needed to understand that Annabeth was a person, not whatever ideal he cooked up and idolized in his head. But because he cut himself off from everybody, including Annabeth, he wasn't able to interact with her enough to be able see that. That was part of why Percy had thought tonight would be so good for him. He thought it would humanize her for Nico, at least a little and would be a step toward growing out of it.

 

But now it all seemed clear that it was just too much, too fast. Maybe that crush was a coping mechanism for all of the horror he'd seen in his life, possibly an escape. It occurred to Percy that maybe Nico couldn't let go of his version of Annabeth because it gave him hope, or distracted him from his feelings even if it fed into them at the same time. He couldn't quite figure out what Annabeth represented to him, or why. He'd have to ask her, she would probably have some good ideas. Percy bet that if they did find that piece of the puzzle, they could probably find a way to move past it.

 

Nico's jagged sobs became progressively more hoarse until they turned into retches. Percy finally got a very good idea of how much Nico had had to drink, and was a little surprised he wasn't dead. _Well he is the son of Hades._ And a meaner part of him thought about how eerie yet appropriate it was to see Nico throwing up bright red liquid. It made him think of an engorged tick deflating. Percy felt bad thinking of him that way, but sometimes Nico _did_ do disturbing stuff and it was hard not to associate him with being creepy. But how he looked wasn't his fault and it wasn't his fault the wine was red. He needed to stop judging him for things that were out of his control.

 

Once Nico was finished, he wiped his mouth and they all scooted away from the vomit. Nico despondently stared at at the ground, shoulders slumped. _I ruin his life and rub it in his face, but he still extends himself. And here I am practically worshipping myself for a job well done even though I did literally nothing, and then look down on the guy and make fun of him in the same breath. Yeah, I'm definitely a bad person. If I wasn't sure before, this is my confirmation._ He couldn't accept this, he had to do better. Percy moved over to Nico who saw him coming and instinctively hugged his knees to his chest.

 

"Nico, I'm sorry about...I forgot about...Annabeth" Percy tried in a small whisper, trying hard not to look at Annabeth who he knew would be watching. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, man." Percy concluded, not knowing how to go about it tactfully, looking down himself. Nico had buried his face in his arms, but tilted his head to look up at Percy out of the corner of his free eye.

 

"You...forgot about Annabeth?" Nico said mimicking Percy's hushed tone. His voice was rough from the crying and vomiting, and it was muffled by his bicep, but Percy could still make it out.

 

"Yeah, you know...Like, I forgot that you, uh, you know, liked..her." To his surprise he heard Nico start chuckling, and he looked up to see his shoulders shaking. Nico unwrapped his arms and raised his head to face him. He began laughing in earnest and started to hold his rib cage. Unlike before, it sounded like he was almost barking and it felt hostile.

 

"You..." Nico said between gasps, "are so...clueless!" and burst into another round that started to make Percy concerned. It was actually terrifying, it was the kind of dogged laughter Percy imagined you might hear in an insane asylum. Percy envisioned the laughter belonging to a balding old man in a straight jacket who'd bite your finger off and continue laughing with blood dribbling down his chin. _Stop. That's not Nico. He's just upset._

 

"I-I mean, how can you be that dumb?" Nico said erupting with another string of bizarre laughs that sent prickles down Percy's spine. But he couldn't blame him. He had asked himself the same question moments ago. Percy desperately wished there was an answer with an easy fix. He wished he could stop being dumb so he could stop making these mistakes. He was really trying to, but look at the good it did. 

 

Percy felt his muscles give up let his shoulders sink pathetically. He didn't care how he looked, he felt defeated. Maybe he was just a stupid person and that was all there was to it. He couldn't be taught or fixed, his brain was either too slow or too fast and he didn't pick up on subtleties like others did. He knew Nico was taunting him to deflect from his own embarrassment, but it rang true and that hurt.


	8. BWHAAAAAT NICO'S GEEEYAAAAYY!?

**Percy**

 

 

"Nico..." Hazel tried to grab Nico's arm, but he shook her off. He unbalanced himself with the force and staggered for a moment, but recovered quickly and climbed to his feet.

 

"No, Hazel, it's all right. It's fine because he's not going to figure it out." Nico's voice softened when he talked to her, but he started laughing again, so hard this time, he doubled over. "He's...so...stupid!" 

 

Percy remembered the phrase in vino, veritas and started to feel even more insulted. Was this really what he thought of Percy, that he was a total moron? He couldn't say he was surprised, Nico wouldn't have been the first. Part of him wanted to get angry, but it was half-hearted because he knew it was true. What could he say, _I'm not stupid I just do and say stupid things on a regular basis_? 

 

Still it felt weird to stay on the ground while Nico was standing, so he got up too. Beside him, he saw that Annabeth hadn't moved. She'd become steely, retreated deep in thought. And he wondered how she must be feeling in all of this. She didn't look as guilty or sheepish as he expected though. She was focusing hard on something, and Percy hoped it was a brilliant way out of this mess.

 

Percy saw movement in his periphery and with even less warning that before, Nico lunged at him again. Percy thought he was going to hit him, and figured it was best if he didn't resist and just let whatever what coming happen. _If he has to take out his emotions by making me a punching bag, fine. It's not like I don't have this coming._

 

Nico wrapped his arms around Percy and he closed his eyes, reflexively bracing himself for a tackle that didn't come. Instead he felt Nico's arms tighten and shift. _What the hell, is he trying to pick me up?_ He opened his eyes and saw Nico's face inches from his before the distance closed with a peck. He had to have been standing on the balls of his feet to reach Percy's mouth, but he did. Nico pulled back and started planting little kisses on his face and neck while Percy just froze. 

 

Hazel gasped and covered her gaping mouth with her hand. Annabeth's eyes looked like they were going to fall out of her head. _What is even happening._

 

_Doesn't matter._

 

_Enough is enough._

 

"Nico, _stop!"_ Percy said, pushing him off. Percy had been able to smell the alcohol and bile on Nico's breath and felt queasy. "What the fuck was that?"

 

Was Nico gay? He was emotionally vulnerable, but didn't seem very feminine. Percy thought about how Nico looked calling bony fingers from the ground; nah, probably not gay. He couldn't make sense of it, but maybe that was because this some kind of drunken logic that didn't make sense in the first place. 

 

Like trying to make Percy as uncomfortable as he felt, or trying to get Annabeth's lip essence off his? Well, that didn't make sense either, because then why not just kiss Annabeth? In a way it was genius, because while he could deal with Nico hitting him, having Nico kiss him was...he couldn't even think of a word that described the sick, furious discomfort he was feeling.

 

Nico didn't respond so Percy continued. "What are you trying to prove, that you don't like Annabeth or something? Nico, everybody knows! You need to get over it, you can't just do shit like this!" Percy could hear how loudly he was yelling but the part of himself that held him back was quiet. This wasn't okay, drunk or not. He wanted a friendship with Nico, but he had a limit.

 

Beachgoers overheard and turned to watch the drama. Unlike Hazel's giggles, a fight between two of the Big Three was news. He didn't need to look to know their eyes were on them. Instead he kept his eyes trained on Nico. The upper half of his face was obscured by his bangs but Percy saw his mouth twitch and it only made him more angry. "Don't start laughing again, Nico! I mean it, this isn't funny!" Nothing. "I mean, what is your _deal_ with me!? I'm getting tired of this, you don't make any sense!"

 

Nico's mouth moved again to speak but Percy couldn't hear him over the music and explosions. "What?"

 

"I said I know."

 

"What do you m–" Percy saw a water droplet fall from Nico's chin. Knowing that Nico tried to cry his way out of every mistake he made pissed Percy off. This routine was getting old.

 

 

"I know exactly how difficult I am. I know you and Annabeth are in love. I know I don't belong here. I know I don't belong anywhere. I know how hard it is to try to be my friend. I know how hard _you_ try. But that's the problem; like I said, I don't want to be your friend."

 

_"Why?"_

 

"Don't you _get_ it!?" Nico challenged, raising his face to show his dumbfounded expression and red-rimmed eyes that were tearing up even now. "I love you, okay! I'm _in_ love with you!" 

 

Hazel went completely still, and Annabeth's face looked blank, like she was barely there. Percy drank in what Nico was telling him. He was right, Nico _was_ gay. His head rushed and it was like a thousand little puzzle pieces fell into place in his mind. The looks, the seclusion, the way he'd freeze when Percy tried to touch him, everything. The phrase swirled around in his head again, ringing in his ears. _In vino veritas_. _In wine, there is truth._

 

"I...I need to think." Percy said in a distant voice that he barely recognized as his own. He looked down at his hands in shock. _But, so, Nico didn't like Annabeth. He liked me...What? This changes everything._ Oh, gods. Percy had taken his shirt off in front of Nico hundreds of times. Had he been checking him out that whole time? No, stop, he shouldn't think like that. Nico being gay isn't supposed to change anything.

 

_Then again, it's hard for things to stay the same when_ another dude _tells you he loves you._ Or not even that, it's just a shock that someone Percy trusted not to ogle him was crushing on him and watching him all along. It wasn't that he was homophobic. He _wasn't_ homophobic, right? _Does two guys making out bother me?_ He thought about Nico kissing Leo but it still felt too weird. _Okay no, a random guy. I guess...that's fine. Just as long as it's not me. Fuck, maybe I am homophobic._

 

His mom always taught him to treat others equally, but he'd never had to field something like this before. Granted, Percy lived in New York so he knew gay guys, but only in passing. And none as personally as he knows Nico. Did that mean gay people were only okay in theory or from a distance? Would he be friends with someone he knew was gay? He wanted to say yes and he knew he would, but he also knew that deep down he probably wouldn't be comfortable and would keep them at an acquaintance level. 

 

_But how is that equal?_ It looked like he had something else to toss on his pile of things to work on. Right now, Nico was Nico. He couldn't think about gay or straight. He just had to think about it like his friend just got turned down by his crush. What would he do? _Offer to hang out and talk about it._ Yeah, that wouldn't work this time. He should probably say _something_ else, but what do you say to that? 

 

When he brought himself back to the present, he noticed the chatter on the beach had died down. He looked around them and saw maybe seventy people staring and waiting for whatever was going to happen next. He realized that Nico had been pretty loud too. _Wow, he just came out in public, to like an eighth of the camp. I don't think he meant to do that. Coming out is a big deal, right?_ What was Percy supposed to do? Should he congratulate him? That seemed idiotic in this context. _What do I do? What do I do?_ Nico _loved_ him? What was he supposed to do with that?

 

Before Percy could do anything, Nico turned and started to run off. He barely got four feet when he tripped and completely faceplanted. A group of Aphrodite campers started howling with laughter and a few others joined in. If it had been part of a show or movie, Percy might have laughed at the absurdity of it too. But he heard Nico sob as he briskly stood up and ran unsteadily into the woods and he didn't know what to feel.

 

Hazel got up and went after him calling his name, who knows where she stood on all this. It only occurred to him then that he should have defended Nico or told the Aphrodite kids to shut up. Percy's logical side told him he should chase after Nico too. He wanted to want to talk it out and reassure him that nothing would change between them. But if he was honest with himself, he didn't want to see Nico and he couldn't promise that nothing would change. 

 

Percy didn't feel like listening to his head and being the self-sacrificing hero. He couldn't deal with this right now; he didn't know if he would ever be able to. He looked back at Annabeth for some tiny modicum of guidance. She was digging her finger into the ground and flicking it out, spraying crumbles of sand as she did. Percy wanted to call her name, get her to look at him, anything, but couldn't bring himself to make a sound. More fireworks shot into the sky with the bellowing sound of corks being popped, and Percy and Annabeth stayed where they were, taking it all in. 

 


	9. I Didn't Even Tell Her I Loved Her

**Nico**

 

 

“Good morning!” Bianca said beaming affection at the two boys as she got her lunch from the fridge. Nico felt like he hadn't seen his sister in forever. He really missed her and had hoped he could spend the day with her; it felt important.

“Do you have to go? I haven’t seen you in so long and I really don’t want you to go away again.” Nico felt a tight pull in his stomach and ached to keep his sister close.

“Uh Nico, sweetie, you see me every day. I’ve just been working late this past week. But I told you that was only for this week, right?” He did remember her saying something like that and the pull weakened as he realized she was right and he’d see her again in a handful of hours. “And I mean, _someone_ has to pay the bills, you know?” She unsubtly glanced at Percy and he took her bait.

“Heeeey! I have a job, I pay my taxes! What more do you want? _Nico’s_ the freeloader here,” Percy teased.

 

“Hey!” Nico shot Percy a playfully indignant look. Percy sat at the kitchen table and Bianca gently flicked his head on her way to Nico.

“No picking on Nico. It’s our job to take care of him; he’s my baby brother after all.” She ran her hand through his hair protectively. With her this close her scent enveloped him. Her perfume, her hair, and something else, maybe lotion, hit him in a wave and made him want to cry.

 

“And my baby,” Percy smiled at Nico from his seat at the kitchen table, looking utterly gorgeous bathed in the sunshine streaming through their windows. Nico instantly forgot what he'd been sad about.

 

“That’s right, so you'd better be nice to him or I'll kick your ass."

 

"I–" Percy attempted.

 

"Don't underestimate me, Percy; I'm crazy. I will absolutely shave your eyebrows in your sleep for fun." 

 

"Jeez, you make it sound like I'm out to get him. I love that little guy." Percy winked at Nico and he couldn't help but blush.

 

"Guys, I'm right here," Nico protested. "And what do you mean little?" Nico couldn't even begin to pretend to be angry at him. 

 

"It's okay, your size is one of the things I like about you."

 

" _What_ size?"

 

"You're big in spirit, Niccolo," Bianca chimed in and patted him on the head.

 

"Wha–!?" Nico couldn't believe this.

 

Percy cut Nico off by raising his hand diplomatically. "Well okay, maybe you're not little _everywhere..."_ Percy gave Nico bedroom eyes and Bianca's looked like they were going to dry out from how wide they were. Nico could feel the blush in his cheeks deepen, mortified that Percy would mention something like that in front of Bianca of all people.

 

"Nope!" She chirped. "Nope! Uh...nope! That's my cue!" She collected her keys from their dish on the counter and made a beeline for the kitchen backdoor. "Sorry, I have to go to work and schedule a lobotomy sorry bye!” 

 

Bianca gave Nico a hug before comically making a show of heading out the door and shouting over her shoulder that Percy needed to find a new place to live. For the second time he wanted to cry, but she was already gone and the emotion left just as quickly, replaced with the earlier warmth.

 

"I meant that he has big eyes, okay!" Percy attempted after the door shut.

 

"You have 48 hours to pack your things! Love you, Nico!" She shouted through the window. 

 

Nico was grateful that she was able to laugh it off. Awkward as it was, he laughed along and chalked it up to being raised differently. He decided to let Percy off the hook, for now, but might have to wash his mouth out with soap later. Or, maybe wash his mouth out with his own mouth. No, not the time; he'd get his chance later.

 

Right now it was breakfast time, his favorite meal of the day. He loved mornings now because it meant he could share these few moments with Percy and Bianca before they went to work. The lighthearted way they teased each other made it seem as if it had always been this way, but until recently, living together with his sister and husband had seemed so impossible. Whatever his reasons were in the past, they seemed so silly now and looking back at Percy he forgot them altogether. If only he'd known then what he knew now. They might have gotten together sooner and been able to make even more memories together instead of wasting all that time... 

 

_That was kind of a weird thought_ , he realized. Had he wasted time? And besides, they had their entire lives ahead of them with plenty of time to make memories. They were still young and, Nico turned to Percy now who had already been staring at him and forgot what he'd been thinking before. Nico still couldn't believe how luck he was. It was a little frustrating that Percy had this effect on him, but ultimately worth it, he decided. 

 

"Don't look at me like that. You, are in big trouble, mister."

 

"Whuddidoo?" Percy slurred his words together cutely and did his best puppy dog face that Nico had seen him do countless times with...with? 

 

"You haven't been making that face with anybody else, have you?" 

 

"What? No, weirdo. Jussyoo," Nico recognized that Percy was being very cutesy-wutesy today and that he was playing him like a fiddle, but his silliness was part of his charm and he allowed it.

 

"Okay, but also don't say weird stuff in front of my sister. You know we're not like that." Nico had gotten distracted couldn't remember what Percy had said anymore, but the point still stood. 

 

"Yessir. May I have breakfast now please? I'm starving." 

 

Nico walked over to the counter that looked a little like the one in his mother’s old kitchen, lifetimes ago. It had scalloped edges and little painted flowers around the cabinets. It had been part of the reason he and Bianca had choses this house. The design and patterns were different of course, but it still made them feel at home. He opened a cabinet and poured some cereal for them both.

 

“Cereal okay?” he asked peering in the fridge for milk. 

 

“Only if it's Cocoa Crispies!” Percy gave him another dopey grin and Nico melted as he listened to the cereal snap, crackle, and pop when the milk splashed over it, just as advertised.

 

”You know, these were my favorite as a kid.” Percy said in his regular but still cheerful voice. Nico smiled, watching him take messy bites, surprised that Percy could make him find eating cereal endearing. Nico had only eaten them himself a few times but he knew that these would become his favorite too, because they made Nico feel that much closer to Percy. 

 

Nico stared lovingly into his own bowl and heard some teenagers squealing loudly about something outside. Music got louder and Nico assumed they were driving with their windows down. But it wasn't fading away. Were they parked in front of the house? He absently looked over his shoulder but when he looked back the table was bare and the room was empty. 

 

_Percy must have already left,_ he thought. Normally Nico would at least get a quick peck even if Percy was in a rush. He tried not to feel disappointed that he hadn’t gotten his good morning smooch or so much as a goodbye. But he heard the familiar crackles from the living room and eagerly realized Percy must have just taken his breakfast to watch tv. He ran out of the kitchen and turned off the light as he left.

 

“Percy?” he asked, glad that he still had a chance to see Percy before he left, but the living room was dark and empty as well. He stumbled in the dark for ages and it only got darker the further he went. He heard the pops louder now. He wanted to go back to the kitchen to get his bearings, but it was too dark to see where he was going and he had gone too far to find his way back. He was stuck in this nothingness with the thundering bangs and cracks that didn’t feel like Percy anymore.

 

He started running in the blackness, terrified. He thought that because he was in the dark he'd be able to shadow travel, but they wouldn't take him no matter how hard he tried. The gunshots came louder and louder from behind him. The first one ran clean through his arm and pain flared through his body, making his stomach twist violently. He paused for a moment clutching it, but kept running. He didn’t know where he was and everything was so dark.

 

It felt like he was running in circles, but miraculously he wasn’t tired out yet. He couldn’t see a thing, and kept hitting objects he couldn’t make out. _No escape. No way out. There has to be a way out! Let me out!_ He became frantic and there were more gunshots fired from all directions. No matter where he ran he could still hear them, feeling the loud bangs vibrating in his bones. 

 

He tasted blood. More bullets rained from from the shadows and he felt more pain like liquid metal spiderwebbing through his limbs and stomach. He felt sickly dissociated from his body, his arm was already growing numb as he collapsed to the ground. He couldn't run anymore and resigned himself to the pain and to his fate. 

 

He wasn’t surprised that someone wanted him dead and he’d always felt that he’d die young and alone. He wasn’t meant for the warmth and love that the others around him had. No, this was exactly where he should be, he just wished that he could have had more happy mornings like today. He just wished that he would have known it was coming so he could have had a chance to say goodbye. 


	10. I Don't Know What's Wrong With Me

 

**Nico**

 

 

Loud pounding made him stir. Nico realized that he'd been crying in his sleep and had kicked off his blanket. He thought he'd heard knocking or heavy footsteps and reflexively jolted to check that his sword was still at his bedside. He found it propped against the headboard as he'd left it the night before and reached for it when he heard it again. It sounded like a knock on his door and the thought made his blood ran cold. 

 

Part of his mind relaxed knowing he wasn't in mortal peril, while another more present part wished he was. Strange as it was, he preferred the directness of physical pain and fighting for his life to the emotional pain of interacting with his peers. Psychological wounds couldn't be healed with ambrosia, and they didn't fade away over time all on their own like a cut or a bruise. 

 

He couldn't think of who would intentionally come to see him in his cabin in the middle of the night, but couldn't bring himself to move while he waited for whoever it was to leave, if anyone was even there. There was another loud and definite knock on his door. The sound helped break his trance and he quickly grabbed his blanket off of the floor, shivering from cold and the familiar sinking in his core. He actually did have an idea of who it might be, and couldn't decide if he was hoping for or against it actually being the case.

 

”No wait!” He shouted, quickly wiping his eyes before straightening his shirt. He futilely tried to comb this fingers through his hair even though he knew without a doubt that he looked awful and there was no changing it. He was fidgeting with his shirt again but froze when he heard his voice. 

 

”Nico, it’s me!” Percy bellowed in a friendly tone, but there was something else, veiled disgust probably. Why is he here? Nico felt like he was going to throw up and pulled his knees close to center himself. Nico knew he looked terrible l and would almost rather break his own pinky than have Percy see him like this. He gripped his finger wishing it were that simple. There wasn't any doubt anymore, if breaking his pinky would make him go away even just this once, he would. 

 

_But that won't actually help anything,_ he thought frustrated. He started wringing his blanket instead, knowing that Percy wouldn't just leave. He'd stay as long as he needed, to do whatever he set out to do, even if it means having to force himself to be around creepy Nico. That's just the kind of person Percy was.

 

“I’m coming in! Don’t be naked or at least cover whatever you don’t want me to see!” Nico became paralyzed all over again and felt his face grow hot while his mind ran a mile a minute. Why did he mention nudity, was he being deliberately suggestive? Was it nerves, not disgust in his voice? Was it actually an undercurrent of flirtatiousness? Was that why he was coming by so late? _Gods! Am I going to lose my virginity? But I'm a boy,_ can _I even lose m–_

 

The door opened and if he wasn't so acutely aware of his own living body, Nico would have said his heart stopped in his chest. "Aw, I’m sorry, man. I didn’t mean to embarrass you." Percy said glancing over Nico's face. _Dammit,_ he was giving too much away. Nico focused on shifting his face to a more neutral expression.

 

He'd stayed up uncountable nights for years wondering if Percy knew his secret, but was just waiting for him to be ready to tell him. He often considered the possibility that maybe Percy felt it too even though it was more likely there was just something broken or malformed in his own brain that made him feel this way. Worse yet, did Percy know and intentionally make him feel this way knowing Nico couldn’t say anything about it, like cruelly dangling a bone in front of a dog, just out of reach.

 

But seeing the look of genuine concern on his face he was mostly sure that Percy wouldn’t torture him like that. He knew Percy had no idea and thought he was normal like everybody else. That look made him feel like crying and ripping his hair out. Nico didn't like where this was going. 

 

”What do you want?” he said. His voice was scratchy from just waking up and it came out louder and sharper than he'd meant it to. Percy winced and Nico wanted to crawl under a rock and die. He felt like an idiot thinking that Percy was going to profess his love or something, late night or not. 

 

"Oh, um..." Percy paused, but put a pitying smile on and continued. "Mr. D’s throwing a pretty crazy going away party out there and I really think you should come out and join us." Was that really it, he just wanted to invite him to Mr. D's party? Nico couldn't figure out if he felt like crying or laughing but bit his tongue regardless to keep himself from doing either and ruining his chances in case it wasn't just a pity invite. But judging from his expression, Nico became more and more sure that it was.

 

After a few moments Percy started talking again and Nico realized too late that even though he hadn't phrased it like a question, he was probably expecting an answer. Nico was thinking too much and that had slipped by him. Even now, Percy was telling a story or something, but Nico's mind was still swimming trying to figure out what Percy wanted from him. 

 

He'd missed the first half of what Percy had been saying and knew he was getting too much in his own head; he needed to pay attention. Nico tried to compensate with eye contact to seem attentive as he listened. "... fountains have popped up everywhere and apparently some guy was a fan because I saw this pair of boxers..." 

 

Nico started inwardly _screaming_ at himself to not think about boxers, or specifically Percy’s boxers. He tried, but visualized the aqua waistband he’d seen when Percy’s shirt rose up in spite of himself. The place where his jeans bunched up just slightly on his thighs that let Nico clearly imagine the definition of his underwear. He remembered the baby blue stripes he'd seen when Percy had taken his shirt off to spar, _gods, I really am a pervert_.

 

Oh, no. Percy must have noticed his reaction because he stopped talking. _Oh gods, oh gods, was it that obvious?_ _What did underwear have to do with the story anyway? Was he supposed to respond?_ Nico began to throw himself full-force into a wave of panic but after a beat Percy started again. Nico just tried to not look like he was inches from having a fit. He couldn't believe he'd been so careless. _To get lost in thought at the word 'boxers', pathetic!_ He couldn't afford to let things like that show, people will start to piece it together. He was determined to focus now.

 

"Um anyway, so there are these fountains all over the place that are flowing with Mr. D’s wine, I guess and so I, uh brought you some. There's other stuff, like fireworks and bonfires and...stuff." Nico’s heart broke. Percy was clearly uneasy. "I thought you might want to try it, it's really good." He could swear that Percy could tell now, could feel his lecherous, degenerate pining. The tentative way he was speaking only confirmed Nico's feelings. No wonder he's uncomfortable, he must want to leave as soon as possible. There's no point keeping him here, he may as well just let him go back to Annabeth.

 

”I’m not thirsty.” Nico looked down and muttered. He imagined the two of them together while he waited for Percy to leave. Instead, he started to walk to his bed and Nico’s head shot up in surprise, but Percy must have reconsidered because he stayed where he was. 

 

”Hey...look, I know what it was like in–I know what it was like, you know, in Tartarus. Annabeth and I get it.” It dawned on him that Percy was treating him like a patient in a terminally ill ward. He was just a charity case to them. Percy probably _did_ know and was revolted, but was only being nice to him because of what happened to him in Tartarus. He started to get angry to keep from crying. 

 

"But this stuff actually makes you feel better." Percy motioned to the cup that had become a symbol of how pathetic he thought Nico was. "I mean, not necessarily because it’ll get you drunk. It’s non-alcoholic for younger campers so for you it might not even–“Percy caught himself, but Nico knew what he'd meant. He was just a kid to him. “What I’m saying is it's god-wine, and who knows when we’ll get the chance again. Come on, take a break from sleeping or…whatever you’re doing in here, and have some fun with us. It beats nightmares and stuff." 

 

Nico knew what others thought of him, but he didn't want to be made aware of it. As if he didn't spend enough time every single day going over, and over, and over just what a fuck up he was. _Not only am I a kid, he thinks of me as that loser pervert that lays in his cabin, crying alone in the dark._ The thought tore into him. _And he's not even wrong_. 

 

Percy's face was plastered with the most pitiful fake smile Nico had ever seen. "Well, you can stay here too, I guess. I just thought I'd offer." He was only here out of courtesy, Nico could tell that he couldn't wait to get the hell out of the camp defect's bedroom. This was too much.

 

"I told you I don’t want it." Nico could feel his old bitterness coming to the surface, and he didn't try hard to stop it.

 

”Nico, what I’m trying to say is that I don’t want you to feel like you have to go through this by yourself. Annabeth and I want to be here for you. Maybe having a fun night out with friends could be really good for you.” 

 

The stupid ten year old in him actually wanted to believe that Percy meant the awkward and forced words he was saying. But he knew better. He imagined the rest of them laughing at him behind his back. He was never going to belong with them. _Friends._ Screw all of them, acting like they feel sorry for him while looking down on him. 

 

”Yeah." _Friends._ He started replaying the word in his head and actually laughed. "You alway _say_ we're friends, but it's not like you ever actually mean it." Nico thought back to all of the times Percy had held him at arm's length. _Friends._ As if Nico didn't see the difference in how he treated his _real_ friends. But he still wanted to act like he and Nico were close. _Buds. Chums_. Was that was he was, Percy's chum?

 

”Nico I’m just...“

 

"I don't understand why you keep pretending we're _pals,_ " Nico laughed hearing the ridiculous word out loud. "I'm starting to think you're a sadist or something. It’s never fucking enough for you, is it?” 

 

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Percy looked surprised that Nico wasn't playing along this time. But it seemed like he'd finally decided to drop the act. His features quickly twisted into the revulsion Nico knew was lurking beneath the surface all along. 

 

He was looking straight at Nico with the same look he'd had in the Underworld. It hurt, straight to the bone, but part of him was relieved. Because he finally saw the truth behind Percy's smiling mask. "That's not true and you know it!" Percy shouted, but the contempt that boomed in his voice rang truer than his hollow words. 

 

”I don’t want your pity, Percy! I just want to be alone okay?” he said shrilly, desperate to have him go so he could lick his wounds and put this to rest.

 

"What?" Nico started to get annoyed that he was insisting on playing innocent even after showing his true colors. "I'm not!" 

 

"You think it's not obvious that you don't care about me? Do you think I'm that stupid?" The dam holding all of Nico's emotions back finally broke. Words were pouring out of him now. "No, I see what this is about. This is about you wanting to be the hero who reaches out to the guy nobody likes. It's not like I've ever been anything other than a prop to make you look good. Well, fuck you, I'm not your prop!"

 

"So _that's_ what you think!?" Percy's voice was low and furious.

 

"What, that I'm some photo-op for you? Yeah! I think that you can't stand it if somebody, somewhere, doesn't like you! But here's a surprise, I don't _like_ you _."_ Nico was talking faster than he could think. "Do you have any idea how hard it is just to look at you? Do you know what I see? _Friends?_ I'm sick of this! I don't want to be your _friend_ , Percy–" 

 

Nico had almost screamed that last sentence and was primed to continue. But as he was saying Percy's name he realized what he was saying, and that he was about to say way too much. He let his mouth hang open for a few seconds before grinding himself to a full stop. Adrenaline trickled through his face as it hit him just how close he'd been to screaming how much he loved Percy at the top of his lungs. 

 

Nico took a second to retrace what he'd said. He'd stopped himself short, and was thankful for that. But the damage from what he _had_ said had already been done. Percy stood there with hurt and distaste written on his face, plain and genuine. _Why_ had he done that? He knew Percy wasn't here just to make himself look good. A dreadful weight settled in his stomach as he started to feel like he'd made a mistake.

 

”I’m not pitying you! And I'm not _using_ you!" Percy looked truly offended at the allegation. It felt right in the moment but when he actually thought about it, it seemed ridiculous. _No, no no no._ "If you took just half a second to stop being such a self-absorbed brat, you might see that people are actually trying to help you!” 

 

Percy was yelling. At him. _No, no, no, no, no._ Nico had let himself lose control and he just wouldn't stop. Of course Percy was mad, he definitely hated him now if he didn't before. _No. No_. Nico felt like something in him was splintering. He couldn't deal with this. He couldn't have Percy standing there with that look. Looking at _him_ like that. 

 

”Get out!” Nico was biting back tears. 

 

”Gladly! Here’s your drink!” Percy slammed the cup on his table, “And here’s your solitude! Now try growing the hell up!” The door closed with a loud thud and Nico flinched.

 

Waves of self-hatred washed over him. He had been a brat. Percy had gone out of his way to do something nice for him and he slapped him away. He knew that eventually, he would stop reaching out to him, and one day Nico might make Percy give up on him altogether. Nico wondered if that was what he'd just done, imagining never seeing Percy again, and started bawling into his fist.

 

Nico was too full of regret to think clearly to analyze what had just happened, or figure out how much of what he and Percy had just said he actually believed. All he could think was that Percy was still the closest thing he had to an actual friend, and he’d just chased him out. Percy had offered him a gift, and Nico had treated it like trash.

 

But like everything else, he just didn't have the energy to try and understand it. All he could manage was to hug himself while he struggled, unable to stop his reeling thoughts, unable to stop clutching his sides even long after he knew there'd be bruises and marks from his nails. 

 

He begged himself to think of something else, anything else. But he couldn't distract himself long enough to actually take his mind off the fight. His breathing hitched with his cries and he stuffed his blanket in his mouth to muffle the noise. He kept looking back to the cup on his table and hearing the clap it had made when Percy set it down. When he had calmed, Nico pulled out the blanket and propped himself up onto his elbow, though he was still gasping for air. He pushed himself up to go look at it more closely.

 

There were some drying splatter marks Nico didn't care enough to clean. He hadn't seen it spill, but wasn't surprised that it had with the force Percy had used. Percy had held this in his hand. He brought it here for him. Nico reached out to hold the cup and brought it back down on the table like a gavel. It had seemed so loud when Percy put it here. He did it again trying to make the same sound, but couldn't. 

 

This wasn't right, it had been like the crack of a whip before the deafening door slam. He wondered if it had just been amplified in his mind by the vitriol in the gesture. Maybe he was just too weak. He tried again and again but it sounded wrong. He kept at it until he splashed more wine on the table and his hand. _What am I doing?_

 

"What am I _doing?"_ He mumbled under his breath. "What's wrong with me?" He licked the wine from his hand, wanting to clean it before it got sticky. His breath slowed and he felt a wave of something run through him. He took a tiny sip and felt the rush again, stronger this time. 

 

It wasn't unpleasant, but it wasn't comfortable either. Like the ticklish, bristly feeling Nico got if he rubbed his arms too lightly.He looked in the cup and sloshed the wine around gently. He wasn't sure if he liked how it made him feel, but it tasted good. The flavor reminded him of these candies from his childhood, lifetimes ago. 

 

The color was pretty too, it looked glittery in a way regular wine just didn't. It reminded him of his foil Dionysis' Mythomagic card. He mostly had it for collector's value. It wasn't a bad card, but you kind of had to build your deck around it. You needed to have a lot of Bacchae tokens in your deck in order to use use his ability Abandon. Granted, he had a really powerful Special, but he couldn't even use it _unless_ Abandon had been used at least once. 

 

Nico thought about the word abandon. Mr. D seemed tame...ish, but that wasn't really his choice. Percy had said things were getting wild outside. The thought of Percy stung, but he brushed those thoughts away, much more easily than before, he realized. When had that happened? Were those few drops really enough? 

 

He looked back into the cup. It was still mostly full. What would happen if he drank it all at once? What if you could only have it in small doses like nectar? But Percy hadn't said anything like that. If that was true he probably would have mentioned it, even if he was upset. Because Percy was a good person. Nico's eyes felt sore from earlier, but were starting to feel stingy again. 

 

It took him longer to become aware enough of his thought process to bat his feelings away like he had a moment ago. Maybe he couldn't just sip it the wine like it was a regular drink. Maybe he had to drink the wine with abandon to get the effect. He knew that thought process only sort of made sense, but it was really just an excuse to erase the past hour or so from his mind. 

 

Nico could hear faint cheers and clapping through the cabin walls after popping and crackling in the distance that he assumed were the fireworks Percy mentioned. The sound made Nico's heart ache, like another fresh cut, though he couldn’t place why. "Maybe it is like nectar and I'll burst into flames," he muttered. _Then let me burn,_ he thought darkly, _I'm not afraid._

 

He knew he was lying to himself, but he chugged it anyway. While he waited to feel the wine he turned the empty cup in his hand and stared at it until his vision became blurry. "Thank you, Percy," he whispered to the empty cabin, "I'm so sorry." The tears that were welling up wavered and threatened to fall. "And I...I love..." Nico started to cry again before he could even finish his sentence.


	11. People Just Don't Like Me, Okay?

**Nico**

 

 

Nico couldn't remember where he was going with that sentence and tried to think hard about what he was saying. "I love...I-I love!" _Yeah!_ That's what he'd been trying to say practically his whole life. Nico wasn't this scary bad guy. He wasn't evil, he didn't want to hurt anybody. He was just like them. He ate and slept and showered just like the rest of them. He had emotions, you know? He _had_ emotions. He laughed and cried and he could feel love just like anybody else. 

 

In fact, Nico loved _everybody_. He loved his bed, and his table, and this cup, and the floor, and _aaaaaaaaaaaall_ his friends. _Oh yeah! There is a party tonight and my friends are there and I am invited. Yes. I know what to do now. I'm gonna go and I will be the belle of the ball, ha ha ha._ Nico actually thought the sound 'ha' rather than normal laughter as he tried to get to his feet. But he couldn't quite manage it and unsuccessfully slumped back into a sitting position on the floor.

 

"Ha h–oh. Oops." He hadn't realized he'd been chanting ha out loud until now. "Okay, hello feet. Feeties, if you will. Please let me stand on you. I have to get to my party because I am in love, okay?" Nico shook his ankles a little for emphasis and to show them he meant business. He put both of them flat on the ground in front of him and tried to push himself up with his hands to stand. Well, he'd intended to stand, but instead, just raised his abdomen into a crab walk. "I am a table! Look, oh my gods, I have four legs now! Arms can be transform into legs, too! Why doesn't anyone ever do that? I mean.." 

 

_Because tables can't go to the dance,_ he reminded himself. _Yes. Right. Okay, good point._ Nico let himself fall to the hard floor and it didn't even hurt so he knew he was on the right track. He tried to flop over onto his stomach and was able to push himself up to his hands and knees but almost fell again because it felt so right. This was definitely the way to stand up.

 

He lifted one foot to place it on the stone flooring, then did the same with the other. He used his knees to push himself up and teetered upright for a few moments before backpedaling until he hit the foot of his bed and sat on its edge. When he saw the red sheets under his hand itstarted to register that he was in the Hades cabin, because he was the son of Hades. Because he was Nico di Angelo. "I'm not really invited, am I? I'm not even making sense." _You can't go to the dance. Don't forget who you are. You don't even know how to dance. You'll just embarrass yourself._

 

"But my friends..." _Well, I guess they aren't really my friends. Oh yeah, and I made Percy so mad at me._ But Nico couldn't just leave it like this. He had to find Percy and say he was sorry and be his best friend. Because he was really sorry, he didn't mean it at all. _Okay. I am almost standing and I feel good and I have a plan. And I will_ not _embarrass myself._

 

He tried to get up again but felt like his legs forgot to put on their bones this morning. "Hm. I had too much of–too much wine. Maybe I should wait for a minute until it wears off." He turned around and crawled to his earlier spot on his bed. It was cold already, but he didn't mind too much. 

 

He closed his eyes and thought about the taste in his mouth. He imagined a small Italian sweetshop that had the fancy candies you couldn't get anywhere else. The anise, orange, and violet ones were his favorite flavors. Mama would take him and Bianca every Sunday after...church? Did his mama take him there? Did they even go to church? What were Bianca's favorites? Was any of that real or was it all just a false memory he created just now? What sweets did Bianca like? He couldn't forget. He had to know because... 

 

Bianca was gone, dead and gone. Not even just dead. He would never see her again and she would never call him Niccolo again. He couldn't even bring offerings to her spirit, so who cared what candy she liked? _Nobody._ And even if they did care, there wasn't anybody to ask. Each memory that Nico forgot was gone forever and unrecoverable, like so much else in his life. 

 

He didn't feel as blissful as he had moments ago. Too much of the real world was coming back to him. He lamented the irony of forgetting Bianca but remembering the pain, or would have if he could have put words to his emotions. _I don't want to think about this anymore._

 

Nico pushed himself up for what felt like the thirtieth time that night, and hopped out of bed. _I don't have to remember, at least not for tonight._ He flopped his legs out of bed and tried to test his coordination by flexing his fingers and moving his feet. "Okay, I'm a little better now. Okay." He stood up, and tilted for a moment but caught himself and regained his balance as he walked. 

 

Nico approached his door and pressed his forehead to it it more firmly than he'd meant to. He winced and reached blindly for the handle before remembering that he could open his eyes. He felt the cold metal in his hand and opened the door a crack to peek outside. The noise came through unfiltered now, and was much louder than he'd expected. 

 

Percy was nowhere to be seen, but Nico recognized numerous campers he'd seen in passing. They looked like they were having fun. Maybe he could have fun with them too. Nico felt dreadfully nervous, feeling like he had to venture into uncharted territory with the knowledge that wasn't the best at making friends. But he could try; he _would_ try. He opened the door wide enough for him to step through. There might have been sixty people or so flitting around the cabins, but at least five stopped cold when they saw Nico emerge from his cabin.

 

_Crap. It's too late to go back. Everybody will see me run away._ Nico looked around nervously at his surroundings trying to figure out how to act. The air was hazy and not being able to see the sky made him feel claustrophobic. He walked down the steps of his cabin because freezing there would only make him look weirder. _I'd better smile to make a good impression. Okay, I have to look like I know what I'm doing. What am I doing?_

 

Emotionally, Nico still felt okay, and could feel his mind working more clearly. He was unsure if he wanted it to though. He felt like he was living in the calm before the storm and wasn't looking forward to going back to feeling the full force of the argument's fallout. On the other hand, he still wasn't entirely clearheaded, but at the moment it was working against him.

 

The smoke was what got him. It didn't scratch his throat or burn his lungs, and was barely perceptible. Nico wondered whether there was a source or if it had a purpose. It might have been soothing or intoxicating like the wine had been, which could explain why he felt more sober but wasn't in the throes of an anxiety attack right now. Even so, it was triggering his nerves and the boxed-in feeling started to make him sweat.

 

He figured that he was pretty much screwed if he drank, and screwed if he didn't but decided that getting wine would make a decent pretense for being outside. He was unsure if he was even allowed, remembering that Percy had said something about wine for underage campers. Maybe there was a designated underage fountain. Nico didn't want to get in trouble, but didn't see anyone around who would stop him. The normally patrolling harpies weren't anywhere Nico could see and the satyrs that were around were busy being chased by nymphs.

 

There was a white marble fountain diagonal to his cabin with deep magenta water, which he assumed was what Percy had been referring to when he'd mentioned god-wine fountains. He didn't know why, but Nico had expected a regular drinking fountain. The marble fixture was new, looked divine, and couldn't be anything else, unless there _were_ drinking fountains somewhere, but he had already started walking toward it. If it turned out to be just for decoration, he would check the water fountains by the showers next.

 

He decided that getting wine would make a decent pretense for being outside, but was unsure if he was even allowed. Percy had said something about wine for underage campers, so maybe there was a designated underage fountain. Nico didn't want to get in trouble, but didn't see anyone around who would stop him. The normally patrolling harpies weren't anywhere Nico could see and the satyrs that were around were busy being chased by nymphs. 

 

He kept his eyes on his feet clumsily trampling the grass to remind himself he was outside to avoid feeling trapped. It occurred to him that he must look meek walking with his head down, and that contradicted his plan to appear confident and normal. He tried to bring his chin up at least until he reached the fountain which was only a few feet away now. Unfortunately, a girl who looked like a daughter of Demeter was now sitting on the rim of the fountain talking to two boys Nico knew were from the Ares cabin.

 

One of the boys saw Nico coming and quickly said something to the other two. All three glanced at him and Nico hesitated. They looked a year or two younger than he was, so he didn't want to intimidate them. He reminded himself to smile again before stepping forward to the fountain. _Don't let yourself look like a loser. Try to be funny, maybe._

 

"Howdy, kids." 

 

They responded with wide eyes and pursed lips stifling laughter. He couldn't tell if they were laughing at his joke, in surprise, or laughing at _him_. His mind went straight for the latter but the girl flicked her hand in a wave and glanced at the boy next to her who nodded his head in acknowledgement, so it was a start at least.

 

"Uh, hey," The taller and more attractive of the two boys was the only one to respond verbally. He was good-looking in the rugged way a lot of Ares children were if they were good-looking. His hair was stick-straight and shaven short on the sides, and he had large brown eyes that were looking directly at him. Nico instinctively relaxed and smiled more naturally before he became aware of what he was doing. He froze the smile on his face and turned his attention to the girl. 

 

"Cool party, right?" Nico realized how lame he sounded but didn't know what else to say. The shorter boy whispered something to the other who snickered. Desperate for a reason to be there, Nico looked at the fountain and thankfully, spotted a stack of cups. He grabbed one and held it under one of the fountain jets while keeping his eyes trained on her.

 

"Yeah..." She said it with mock enthusiasm that suggested she didn't want to talk to him. _I'm probably creeping her out,_ he thought dejectedly. Nico's cup was nearly full to the brim and yanked it back before it overflowed onto his hand. 

 

"Oh, well, um. S-sorry to bother you." _Damn, I stuttered._

 

"No, you're fine." She gave an awkward smile.  She slid her eyes around her lower periphery, clearly apprehensive and conflicted about where to look. Her gaze darted in Nico's general direction when she spoke to him and away when she finished, but she was careful not to make direct eye contact, never actually engaging. So despite what she'd said, Nico knew they were all waiting for him to leave them alone. 

 

He turned away from them and walked a few paces to look around again briefly for any excuse to stay or explore. But Nico concluded that there was nowhere else for him to go. He looked at all of the others around him, laughing, shouting, playing games and running after each other. _I don't belong out here._ Wherever he went he'd be intruding on other people's friendships like he knew he would have if he'd gone with Percy. 

 

His other option was to look pathetic wandering and drinking alone. _No thanks._ He was going to drink alone anyway, but at least he didn't have to do it on display with everyone watching him. He turned back to wave goodbye to the group he'd just talked to, but they were getting up to walk off somewhere and calling their attention to him again would have only made him look more socially inept. 

 

_What did you really expect?_ He didn't understand why making friends seemed so easy for everyone else. No, he couldn't think like that, he couldn't let himself pine for things like that. It was different for Nico; he was different, and that's just the way it was. He needed to get used to it. So instead of waving to the people he said four words to, he made a show of checking his pockets as if he forgot something then retreated back to his cabin. 


	12. Is It Even Possible to Look Less Disgusting?

**Nico**

 

 

Nico sat back down on his bed with a heavy sigh. His social experiment hadn't gone like he'd hoped. He was feeling more like himself now, and marveled that a drink could make him feel so good. He hadn't even just felt good; he felt secure, like no matter what happened everything would turn out okay. He felt safe and loved even if there was no reason or source. He couldn't remember feeling that way ever. It was a goal he always aspired to, but never really hoped to achieve, like how others might wish for fame or success in passing, without really knowing what they entailed. It was just a feeling he imagined others had and felt he should too.

He drank the wine more slowly this time. He decided to space it out because, while the intense rush he'd gotten before had been nice, it was frustrating not being able to control his body and the pleasure had been too short-lived. He wanted to extend the experience, and in smaller doses, it made him feel heavenly and tranquil no matter what he did. He stared at the interlocking fibers that made up his blanket and, although it made no sense, it was more fun than he could ever remember having.

Was all wine like this, or was it just Mr. D's? Maybe this was why people became alcoholics? He would do anything if he could just be happy, if he could feel that way all the time. He found himself seriously considering becoming one of Mr. D's followers and wondering if he would even take him. Was that really an option? Probably not; it didn't seem like Mr. D liked him or any of the campers too much, and he doubted that he'd risk provoking Nico's dad like that. But then, his sister had joined Artemis, why couldn't he abandon his role as a child of the Big Three and take himself out of the mix like she did? "Well, she ended up dead", Nico said in a surprisingly blasé tone.

He didn't feel like crying. He still felt warm and happy, imagining that, wherever she was, Bianca was sending him her love. Death wasn't the worst thing, people just mourned being separated from someone. It was almost childish, like a toddler crying because a playdate was over. Nico took another sip of his wine. Why is separation so bad? I'm separated from tons of things all the time. I'm separated from the grass and everything outside right now, but I'm not crying about it. He was aware that he only felt emotionally detached because of the magic coursing through him, but from this distance, most of his ordinary concerns seemed so pointless.

Nico heard a soft knock on his door and some emotion sparked back to life inside him. Percy was probably back to apologize as if that would somehow fix things. It wouldn't. Nico didn't want to talk to him again yet. "Percy, please," was all he could get out, too muddled and frustrated to express what he was feeling more elaborately.

He realized he was due for another dose of wine, and eyed the remaining quarter of his cup. He didn't trust what he might do while he was drunk, but didn't want to have to deal with the aftermath of another fight either. At the moment, feeling good seemed a lot more appealing than feeling sober, and there wasn't all that much left. It'll be fine, he thought and drank the rest with a feeling of déjà vu.

The response from the other side of his door was muffled, but definitely not Percy. It sounded higher, like a girl’s voice. He left the cup on the ground and ran to rummage through the growing pile of clothes in the back corner of the cabin. After tossing off a few shirts, he lifted up a rough looking black hoodie. He had to fix an inside-out sleeve, but yanked it over his arms as he heard the voice again ask some kind of two syllable question like Hello? or You there? He tugged the jacket over his wrists and gripped them like a lifeline as he cautiously walked to the door.

"I'll be right there!" He shouted, hoping whoever it was wouldn't come in like Percy had. He checked himself in his mirror for the first time that night and probably, the first time that week. He looked awful, his hair stuck out in the wrong places, his eyes were red-rimmed, and he was splotchy from the wine. Though he knew it couldn’t really be helped, he did his best to make himself presentable but realized he was already taking way too long. He gave up and opened the door, praying it wasn’t Annabeth.

As it turns out, it wasn’t. He had barely seen the distinctive cinnamon of Hazel's curls when he threw the door open and impulsively screamed "Hazel!" Nico may not have had any real friends, but he did have a sister and that was a place in Nico's heart that meant more to him than anything else. No friend could ever even dream of competing with her. She was leaning on the black wall of their cabin to the left of the door, looking completely nonchalant as if this was something that just happened. This didn't just happen! Hazel was here!

”Oh, my good gods. Hey, Nico!” she said. Nico couldn't help but burst out laughing at her weird comment. She laughed alone but Nico noticed how her eyes widened when she first saw him. He must not have done too good of a job of cleaning up, but Hazel knew him well enough to know when he wasn’t okay, presentable or not. "Nico, are you alright?"

"Yes! Hazel, oh my gods. It's so good to see you!"  Nico felt a grin stretch across his face and for once it didn't feel unnatural.

 

Hazel beamed back at him with an "I'm happy to see you too!" 

 

"I didn't think you were coming, what are you doing here, is Frank with you?" Nico stepped outside and closed the door behind him. He looked around for any sign of Hazel's other half, but was relieved that it seemed like it was just the two of them. He liked Frank, he just couldn't feel completely at ease around most people and would be embarrassed to face him as he was. 

 

"Oh, no, I was just in the neighborhood and thought I’d drop in,” she chirped pleasantly, It was obvious that they both knew she was lying. 

 

Nico's head started to swim a little but he stated the obvious. "Okay, but what are you really doing here?"

 

“Okay, so... _maybe_ I shadow travelled to the neighborhood at the request of a little birdie.”

 

”Oh, really, was it a seagull?”  Nico asked crossing the porch to sit on its steps . She sat down next to him, but confirmed his suspicions when she didn’t say anything. “I thought so.” So Percy had asked her to come? Was that before or after the fight? "What'd he say?" 

 

"Well, he.."

 

Nico knew he should be talking about Percy but Hazel was _here_ and joy was snaking through his stomach to his chest. "I just love you so much, Hazel."

 

”Oh! I love you too, Nico” she responded before marveling as a Demeter kid ran past, wrapped in toilet paper. Four more passed by, chasing him, whooping and hollering like monkeys. “What are they _on?"_

 

”Hold on,” Nico sang getting up. Nico hopped down his steps and motioned for her to follow him. "Come come! Come, come, come, come!" He chanted on his way to the wine fountain. Hazel did, but oozed confusion at her brother's behavior. "Here!" Nico grabbed a cup from the stack and dunked it straight in the fountain. "They're on this." He closed his eyes and pointed his index finger upward in pseudo-authority to explain while offering the dripping cup to Hazel. "You see, this here is god-wine," Nico chuckled at using Percy's phrase, "and it is the best and you will love it."

"God wine?"

"Yes, Mr. D, is–" he almost said Mr. D is maker of it but that made no sense. "Mr. D made it," he rephrased. Nico twisted back grabbing another cup for himself and sipped some from the top to keep it from overflowing. He could feel the breezy sensation on his face again.

"Oh right, I assumed, but," She looked at his hand and then back up to his eyes. "I mean, is it safe?" 

 

"Yes, so safe!" 

 

"Nico, sweetie, you're shouting."

 

"Oh, sorry!" 

 

Hazel looked to the side then back at Nico. "Um...I think I'm fine," she concluded in a soft voice. Nico tried to match it, but honestly couldn't tell if he was shouting or not.

"Oh, but _Hazel_ ," Nico whined, "it's _so_ good. Trust me, okay? I am your big brother. It will be the most fun _ever_ , you have to see. Just a sip and then you can decide. Pleeeeeeease? Just a sip-sup." He frowned, because Hazel was so nice and he didn't want to be pushy. "You don't have to, but I think you would really like it."

"Well, okay. I guess I can try a sip."


	13. Breaking News! Good Girl Goes to Godly Gala

**Hazel**

 

 

Hazel kissed Frank on the cheek before closing her door. _Time for bed, I suppose,_ she thought. "I _guess_ ," she corrected herself aloud and walked to the bathroom to take off her makeup before getting ready for bed. She often found herself thinking about her mother and waffled between wanting to emulate her, like she had as a child, and wanting to distance herself from her out of hurt. However she felt, Hazel would unconsciously recoil when she found herself speaking or acting like her. 

 

But ironically, the more she worked with mist and grew as a witch, the more she remembered. More and more often she would have to catch herself from sounding like a seventy year old. It was tough to reconcile the old habits that were creeping into her speech with the modern ones she'd developed when she hadn't been able to remember them. It seemed likeshe had to constantly work to seamlessly blend in with her peers. 

 

She stood in front of the sink and looked in the mirror. It wasn't like that was an unfamiliar experience. She was used to feeling out of place and used to having to be on her guard. It was one thing when actual seventy year olds were able to watch the world change and grow with the decades. It was another when she could remember what it felt like to be afraid for her life as if it were only a few years ago. She could feel that tension of having to be on her best behavior, having to be nondescript, submissive, praying that no one chose to target her simply because they could. 

 

Her relationship with beauty was complicated. Like the treasures she could summon, her mother's gorgeous features had been a curse. They were both acutely aware that any walk to or from home could turn sour in an instant. Those childhood stresses had hit her in waves and it took her a long time to notice the way she would refuse eye contact to the white people around her, even her friends. Or to think about the measures she took to make sure they were comfortable, and to realize that she did so out of a quiet, heavily layered fear. A complex fright that she was trying to squash, if only she knew how.

 

"I am safe. No one is going to hurt me. No one _can_ hurt me. Let them try." She spoke familiar reassuring words and soothed herself. She wasn't there anymore. That was not her reality. She was not that little girl anymore, she was a powerful sorceress and fencer. She called shimmering mist out of her chest and watched the light bend and refract in her palms. She held her hands up to her mouth, and blew those emotions away like smoke. 

 

Her thoughts went to solid ground with Frank. He was acting strangely before he left. Frank told her he had to be up early tomorrow morning but had only left twenty minutes earlier than usual. She opened the medicine cabinet but stopped herself while she was reaching for her facial wipes, and left her fingers curling in midair. Frank was a praetor and of course that came with certain responsibilities. It wasn't implausible that he had to be up early. But it barely made sense and he left in such a rush; she was very keenly aware of the obvious ruse. What's more, he'd "forgotten" his hoodie on her bed.

 

She loved him, but she hadn't just met him. She knew he liked to surprise her and she wouldn't put it past him to use a phony excuse to go and fetch a gift or something then come back under the pretense of picking up his hoodie or book or whatever he would leave as an excuse to see Hazel again. Oh, she could see it now. He'd show up knocking on her on her door in thirty minutes with a bouquet of roses or gumbo or some other token of his affection. 

 

_Well, he's not going to find me empty-handed_ , she thought with a tiny smirk as she closed the door to the medicine cabinet. She decided to keep her makeup on for now. She fully intended to play the part and feign surprise, but that didn't mean she had to do it without looking her best, now did it? 

 

But Frank would know she'd expected whatever he was planning if she hadn't at least changed. Hazel carefully stretched her Disney t-shirt over her head, minding not to let it touch her face. It might have been something she'd sleep in, but it didn't hurt that it was tight in the right places either. She tucked her hair into her silk bonnet, not bothering to put it up properly so she could easily whip it off. 

 

Finally, she pulled the medallion she'd made for Frank out from under her bed and placed it in the drawer of her nightstand. She'd wait up a little, but figured that if he actually wasn't plotting something and didn't turn up soon, she was mostly ready for bed anyway. She let out a triumphant titter, pleased with her work. Hazel opened her drawer again to pull out her French pocket textbook before draping her blanket over her lap tentatively, ready to get up at a moment's notice.

 

She had barely finished scanning the segment's vocabulary list when the page was suddenly illuminated by an Iris message. _Oh, thank gods. Finally._ She wanted to try her best not to smile or give anything away, but couldn't resist. "Hmmmm? Did you for–Percy!" _Oh, my gods it's Percy._ She hadn't seen that coming! Lord in heaven, she was still in her bonnet. "Oh, uh!" She jumped up out of sight. "Hold on, please!" She shouted in his direction while she pulled her sweater back out of the hamper.

 

Wow, this had thrown her for a loop. Had Frank roped Percy into this as some kind of distraction? Didn't he know it must be late there? Sure, the bacchanalia was tonight, but Percy was in no state.. "Gods, what is it, two in the morning there?" She was a little embarrassed that Frank might have woken Percy in the middle of the night for something so trivial, unless they were coconspirators which made her think this might be something more than a box of chocolates. Oh, gods. Was he planning on taking Hazel? They'd agreed they wouldn't go!

 

She walked to the bathroom and turned the light on so she could take a look at what Percy had just seen. She was infinitely thankful she'd kept her makeup on but still cringed that he'd seen her in her bonnet. She yanked it off and shook her hair out. Oh, she would definitely kill Frank. She certainly wasn't prepared for any kind of formal affair. No, that was too old-fashioned; how would Piper phrase that? She wasn't ready for anything fancy.

 

She looked over her reflection briefly until a thought hit her. _What if this is nothing to do with Frank? Oh, goodness._ Maybe this was an emergency! What if something went wrong during the party? Someone could have taken advantage of the distraction to launch an attack!The camp could be under siege and she was worried about her hair! She ran back to her bed. 

 

"Is everything okay? Did something happen?" Percy looked down and she tried to take stock of the situation. His hair was a mess and had shimmery pieces of something stuck in it but the upper part of his hair got cut off when he looked up again. She could see his eyes were red rimmed. He was in his cabin, but was definitely upset. She kicked herself for not asking this in the first place. 

 

"Oh, gods, I'm sorry. Uh, it's one, actually. And sorry again, I didn't mean to bother you I wasn't thinking about the time. I just thought–Oh, and everything's all right by the way, I mean mostly." _Please don't be Nico. Please don't be Nico._ She could feel his life-force but that didn't mean he wasn't hurt or lost or kidnapped or gods knew what. 

 

Her fears must have shown because Percy quickly tacked on "Don't worry, it's not like, life or death or anything." She almost relaxed, but then he added "I'm just a little worried about Nico, I guess," and she tensed right back up.  


 

"Is he okay? What's the matter?" She moved to get up. She was ready to throw off her blanket and go, but realized she'd better hear Percy out, so she let herself sit back down. 

"After everything he's been through...I mean...After everything that's happened..." Percy kept trailing off and she loved him, but she really needed him to finish a sentence. "I just think that he really needs a friend, you know?" She nodded; she _did_ know. She was happy to accept her role as a centurion but knew that it occupied a lot of her time and kept her from being there for Nico the way she'd have liked to be. 

 

She'd invited him to come live with her but he insisted on staying in Camp Half-Blood. He declined, and though she hoped she was wrong, she had a nagging idea that she was looking at the reason why. Of course Nico had promised to visit often and though they were just an instant away, it was much easier said than done. Shadow travel was exhausting and she had responsibilities and a life here. She knew Nico would feel like he was intruding. In some ways, though she hated to even entertain the notion, it was true. 

 

"I've tried to reach out to him." That feeling crept up again whispering cruel things about her brother. She firmly stamped them out of her mind. And even if she was right, she told herself that things were different now. "But it seems like every time I do, he just closes himself off and I feel like I do more damage than not." Hazel focused on keeping her thoughts and expression neutral and nodded in response.

"Actually, I was hoping that maybe you could help. He trusts you, and anyone can see how much he loves you." Hazel felt warmth flower in her chest, knowing that their bond was as strong and clear as Percy had said. "I thought that you could come and be with him? Just for the night? We just fought a little and I don't want to leave him alone...uh, if...you know what I mean." 

 

She wanted to ask what they had fought about but thought better of it. It must have been of a very sensitive nature if Percy was telling her about...that. She knew what he meant of course. 

 

When she had attended St. Agnes there had been a stray dog that would wander near the academy grounds. It was a pitiful and mangy thing and she'd only encountered him a few times, but she could still see the desolate look in his eyes and the patches of missing fur from his front paws that he'd licked incessantly. Hazel had asked Mrs. Hughes why and was reminded of what she'd been told that day: " _Sometimes the pains of life are too much for one to bear. So to distract from his greater pains, he creates lesser ones to focus upon."_

Hazel's legs had gone numb and she flexed them to return the blood flow and return herself to the present. She nodded again. "I know what you mean," she started but registered that she was still picturing the dog. She tried clearing her throat and started again. "I can do that. I think you're right, Nico shouldn't be alone, I'll try to be there soon. I'm glad you called. Thank you for looking out for him, Percy."

She smiled in goodbye, as did Percy, and Hazel was about to disconnect, but Percy spoke again. "Thank you. That makes me feel a lot better. But are you sure it’s really okay? It is kind of late; I can try to patch things up myself...” No, that wouldn't work. She wanted to put distance between the two if she could.

“No, no, that's fine, my shadow travel skills could always use some brushing up and this book was boring me to tears." She threw it over her shoulder and could tell that she seemed more cartoonish than natural so she decided it was best to end the call before she gave Percy anything else to think about. "But I’ll let you know if I have any trouble.”  She waved politely and quickly sliced through the mist to write a quick note to Frank and tape it on her door.


	14. Pardon Me, Boys. Is That the Chattanooga Choo Choo?

**Hazel**

 

 

Though she tried, the dreadful lurch and grim shadows around her kept taking Hazel's mind back to that dark place. Hazel cared for Percy almost like another brother. He was a truly kind and decent person. But she'd known and heard about other more charming men than Percy, who'd've rounded up their buddies to jump or outright kill another man if he looked at them the way Nico did. And that was just amongst mortals, not even taking into account that Percy was probably the strongest demigod Hazel had met. 

 

Hazel knew Percy wasn't the type of course, and their other friends wouldn't be so violent. She knew times had changed, but it was hard to say just how much. She didn't know anything concrete herself, and assumed Percy had no idea about any of it. But however irrational, the thought still made her fear for Nico. She felt her feet plant on the ground and the Hades cabin materialized into view. 

 

It was quiet for a moment, then sound caught up with her. The music and noise of her surroundings fell on her like a rockslide and she flinched before her ears adjusted. Chaos spun around her but Hazel's focus training allowed her to easily ignore it. Instead, she walked up the cabin stairs debating how she was going to approach Nico. She could tell him that she came for the festival, but disliked being unforthcoming. _The truth,_ she thought _, always the truth._

 

Hazel tapped her knuckles on their door and waited for a response. She hadn't knocked too loudly, but because the walls were stone, they blocked out a lot of outside noise, and amplified and echoed sound inside. Unless Nico filled the sparsely decorated cabin with furniture or siblings he should be able to hear the knock. She didn't hear anything at first, and was about to try again when she heard Nico's voice. 

 

It was hard to distinguish but it had a long E. _Leave,_ maybe? That wouldn't be unlike Nico, but it didn't seem encouraging. Hazel braced herself for a bad episode. She prayed to their father, to Bacchus, to Manea, to anyone, that it wouldn't be _very_ bad. Part of why Hazel had allowed Nico to stay was her own peace of mind. She loved him, truly, but his moods and turmoil were high maintenance and she just wasn't equipped to be his carer. 

 

"Nico? It's me," she tried to speak through the door.

 

She knew he loved her too but his feelings for her were so strong and ran so deep. She knew that she was his only real lifeline, so that made sense. Sometimes though, she couldn't help but wonder if those emotions were really for her, or if she acted as a placeholder for Bianca or his mother. Even though she knew they had developed and were still developing their own familial relationship and she felt a unique kinship with him, she also knew that none of those possibilities were mutually exclusive. 

 

A dismal part of her wondered if, given the chance, how quickly he would trade her in to get them back. She knew it wasn't fair, and considered what she might trade _him_ for, but didn't like that thought process. Regardless of the way the gods liked to manipulate them, they and their relationships were not chess pieces or things to be bargained. 

The work with her past memories and the thought of chess awakened another part of her that was uncomfortable with being forced to shoulder the mantle of playing nursemaid to her white brother. She had felt responsible for her mother when she had become more unhinged, _when_ Gaea _started to influence her,_ she corrected herself. But Hazel had been at the mercy of white people's moods in general long before that. And though she fell into the role unthinkingly because she loved him, she didn't want to have to bear either burden again. She refused to let taking care of others be her place in life. 

 

Her cohort, her entire life in New Rome, gave her the stability she needed to attend to her own issues. Her Mistwork required a very even hand and she worried that Nico's erratic behavior would act as a monkey wrench in that fine clockwork. She didn't want to actualize her fear of helplessly deteriorating under the stress, the way her mother had before her. She was a daughter of Pluto; it was too dangerous to let her grip on reality slip. She wouldn't just be drooling into a cup, she could destroy entire cities maybe more. So, she had accepted Nico's decision to stay in Camp Half-Blood. 

 

"Want me to come in?" She tried annunciating the "come in" so if he heard nothing else, he would at least get the gist of what she was saying. Nico was taking a while. Maybe he had said _please_ , but people didn't really say that to mean 'come on in' or 'help yourself' anymore, did they? She pressed her ear to the obsidian wall and began willing away the weight of the stone. She visualized brushing the particles within the frame of its physical form aside, as if they were sand. She held them there until the spot where her ear touched it was as dense as plywood. 

 

"I'll be right there!" She heard Nico shout, clear as day. Satisfied, she released the pressure and let the atoms snap back into place like quadrillions of rubber bands. She turned to face outward and let her shoulders rest on the wall behind her. Could she really say that she let Nico stay here because she didn't want to lose herself and destroy the world? No, she knew she wasn't so altruistic; her mother had instilled a deep-seated fear of mental illness that she was still working through. But Nico had done well in New Rome even, and he could benefit from it. Maybe his highs and lows wouldn't be so drastic if he had some distance from Percy if it was true that he... 

 

Well, whatever the case, she was here now. However complicated their relationship, she still valued it highly. She had decided long ago that her decisions with him would be guided by love and a level head, not a sense of duty or debt. And while she couldn't do it every day, right now, her brother needed her and she felt able to help. Hazel crossed her arms, and relaxed enough to lean more heavily on the cabin. She closed her eyes and drank in the surroundings, listening to distant funfair noises and giggles mixed with the shrieks, chatter, and footsteps of the people around her. Then she practiced tuning each sound out to focus on the music being amplified by the mist in the clouds overhead.

 

"HAZEL!" She hadn't heard the door open, but opened her eyes to the strangest incarnation of Nico she'd seen yet. One eye was open more than the other and his hair had been pushed to one side with his curls threatening to mutiny any second. His left shoulder sagged, he had a crooked smile, and his face was flushed in a way that it rarely was. It had the effect of making him look bizarrely lopsided and she initially assumed that he was worse off than she'd thought. He didn't appear upset, out of sorts yes. But strangest of all, he was _smily._

 

”Oh, my goodne–" _Granny alert._ "Gods. Hey, Nico!” she said. Nico sputtered out infectious laughter that she couldn't help but mimic. _What on Earth?_ "Nico, are you alright?"

"YES! Hazel, oh my _GODS!_ It's _SO_ good to see you!" Nico continued smiling widely. Hazel gave up on making assumptions on how tonight was going to go since it seemed like the Fates were determined to upturn each expectation she'd had so far. But still, Nico was smiling, she wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

 

"I'm happy to see you too!" _Wow._ Their reunions were sweet normally, but Nico seemed _overjoyed_. He was standing with both hands on his face stretching his cheeks and lower eyelids down in a comedic caricature of surprise, but barely seemed aware of it. Nico could be silly, but she'd never seen him _this_ silly before.

 

"I didn't think you were coming, what are you doing here, is Frank with you?" She was still deliberating how to field that question while Nico closed the door and made made very cartoonish swoops of his head as if he was searching for Frank.

 

"Oh, no, I was just in the neighborhood and thought I’d drop in,” she tried in a cheerful tone, but realized how stupid that had sounded. 

 

"Okay, but what are you really doing here?" His odd movements and appearance aside, his voice came out even and Hazel knew the jig was up.

 

“Okay, so... _maybe_ I shadow travelled to the neighborhood at the request of a little birdie?” She had no idea how he might react at the mention of Percy's name, and hoped he didn't pry.

 

”Oh, really?" Nico walked to the steps and seemed to sober up. "Was it a seagull?” he asked as he thunked down. She didn't want to confirm or deny it, and was trying to think of a diplomatic answer for the second time, while she mirrored his movements. Before she could come up with anything he said "I thought so," in victorious singsong before adding "What'd he say?" 

 

"Well, he–" The jig was sky high at this point, but Nico interrupted before she had to spill anything.

 

"I just love you so much, Hazel." 

 

"Oh!" He'd taken her off guard and looked at her with both eyes wide open now. Sometimes she forgot he was a child of the Big Three too, capable of awesome power. He looked so innocent and fragile, and reminded her of a little kid nervously hoping for approval. 

 

Hazel smiled into her words as she told him that she loved him too. Because she did and would fight to keep anything bad from happening to him. He may not have looked it at the moment, but he was a force to be reckoned with and a powerful ally. Hazel told herself that with their strength combined, they had nothing to fear from Percy or anyone.

 

She was happy that she had come and was able to be here with Nico. She felt renewed determination to visit him more often as it dawned on her that they both filled voids in one another. The pure affection and quiet nature that he brought to the table soothed her and gave her space to think. It helped her address some matters that had been eating at her, and she came out better for it. 

 

Hazel didn't know whether her concerns about Nico's romantic disposition were unfounded or not. She could easily divine the answers, but she saw no need to use magic when she could simply ask. And she saw no reason to ask when the answer didn't matter. She didn't need to know, and though she worried, she resolved to take those worries to the grave.

 

She would not be his servant or his mother. But she would be his sister and equal. And though she had become apprehensive about it when she used the Mist to control her flashbacks, sitting beside him reminded her that she lived in a different world now and it made her feel more secure about the mutuality of their siblinghood. Even when he was at his worst, she was confident Nico would be there for her, regardless of how detrimental it could be to himself. She had no doubts whatsoever that he would lay down his life for her and she would do the same.

 

So naturally, just as she was feeling good about things, the Fates decided that it was a good time to punctuate her resolution with tween mummies screeching the word Chattanooga. Makes sense. 


	15. Look, I Know Reality is an Illusion But Can You Have Sex Inside?

** Hazel **

 

What are they _on?"_

 

”Hold on,” Nico replied in singsong before he leapt up and bounded down the steps repeating the word _come_ , and flexing his fingers in what Hazel assumed was supposed to be a beckoning gesture. One minute Nico seemed his normal self, and the next it was like he was replaced with an excitable six year old. When Hazel got up to follow, he started _skipping_ to a marble fountain _._ Her mind processed this information in complete disbelief. Nico Di Angelo, Hazel's brother, son of Hades, was _skipping_. 

 

"Here!" There was a stack of cups on the fountain edge which Nico took from before dipping his entire hand right into the fountain. "They're on this." He jut out the hand with the wine and raised the index finger of his other as if to say _first of all..._ "You see, this here is god-wine," Nico giggled like he'd just told a joke, "and it is the best and you will love it."

"God wine?" This was a bacchanalia after all, she doubted Nico would voluntarily skip even if tortured. She was thinking either mind control or a doppelgänger but this made sense. He must be punch-drunk out of his mind to be acting so cutesy.

"Yes, Mr. D–Mr. D made it," he stuttered. _Punch-drunk status: confirmed,_ Hazel thought to herself. Nico clumsily grabbed another cup which he dunked and loudly slurped from it while wine spilled from the other cup and trickled over his fingers.

"Oh right, I assumed, but, I mean is it safe?" Part of her was dying to toss the cups aside and wash the sticky mess all over Nico's hands, but another part was devilishly curious about the wine's effects.

 

" _YES!_ SO SAFE!" Nico hollered at the top of his lungs as if it was perfectly normal.

 

"Nico, sweetie, you're shouting."

 

"Oh, sorry!" he replied only minimally quieter. Just a few sips and he was even further removed from reality. It reminded Hazel of the way her mother's personality and will quietly disappeared. She knew the wine would most likely wear off, but something about the vacuous look in Nico's eyes made her uncomfortable. She thought back to the potential damage the two of them could wreak, and figured at least one of them should stay sober, more for everyone else's safety than their own.

 

"Um...I think I'm fine." she set her curiosity aside to decline.

"OH, BUT _HAAAAAAAAAAAZEEEEEEEEEEEL!"_ Nico was just about howling her name into the night. "It's _SO good_! _Trust_ me, _OKAY!?"_ He tried to take on an authoritative tone which might have worked if he wasn't slurring the words he was sporadically shouting, or if they actually made sense. 

 

"I-yam your...BIG brother! Ittlebee TH'MOST FUN _EVER!_ You hafta _SEE_ and _THEN_ you should decide! _PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASE?"_ He begged, with his voice raising back to top volume. _"_ JUST A SIP. JUST A SUP. JUST A SIP-SUP. JUST A SLIP- SLUP," 

 

Hazel made the mistake of laughing at his nonsensical babble which made Nico cackle like a harpy that just found lunch. When he calmed his demeanor became more resigned. "Y'DON HAFTAIF YOU DOANE WANNA! JUSTHINK YOUD LIKE IT..." His desolate expression juxtaposed sharply with the fact that he was screaming regardless of the fact that the music wasn't loud enough to necessitate it, but Hazel tried not to laugh again. He looked so pitiful, and she _did_ want to try it anyway.

"Well, okay. I guess I can try a sip." She took a tentative sip and it tasted divine, which she realized it literally was. _Oh, the hell with it; you only live twice_ , she thought _._ And with that, she took a gulp, and another directly after for good measure.

 

The sensation was like nothing she'd ever felt. It was like swallowing Mist mixed with nectar and somehow nothing like either at all. She felt love exploding from her solar plexus, both for and from every thing and person around her. It was heaven, simply heaven. 

 

Overwhelmed, she blinked a few times but kept her eyes shut the final time. She knew her physical form was unchanged, but in this endless space behind her eyelids she felt like she was made of smoke, curling and intermingling with the atmosphere around her. It almost reminded her of how it felt to be a soul in the Underworld and the thought made her open her eyes nervously. 

 

The lovely euphoria dimmed a little and she wanted it back in full force. A rational, focused, portion of her mind informed her that she was falling under a spell. But even that part of her conceded that it hardly made a difference whether she was enchanted or not when it felt this good. She lifted her cup to her lips and steadily drank what was left. 

 

In her ordinary state of being, her soul felt like the air trapped in a balloon. It was as if these glasses of wine jabbed a needle into that balloon and she was finally free to let her spirit become one with the entire cosmos. The cosmos felt her and lovingly welcomed her back with open arms. More than arms, it was as if every particle in the air around her was hugging her skin and the inside of her lungs. 

 

She was surprised that she was able to tap into some new form of consciousness that gave her revelations rapid-fire. Knowledge poured into her mind, and was unlike anything she ever knew. All she had to do was pose a question in her mind and the answer was there, as if it always was. 

 

This felt more like a gift of Athena than Dionysus and wondered why, before it occurred to her that all, even the gods, were just fragments of...there wasn't a word for it. Whatever this all-encompassing bliss was, they were all pieces of it. Everything is a manifestation of this knowledge and joy. All roads led to it, and there was no distinction between Athena and Dionysus.

 

She saw everything. She felt everything. She knew everything. Hazel felt wizened, eternal, and as pure as a newborn all at once. She ached knowing that she'd forget it all once this was over and that she'd never be able to put the vastness of it into words. She passed by Nico on wobbly legs to the fountain, unsure of the specifics, but certain that this was the best course of action for everyone involved. She lowered her cup into the wine and calculated the shape of the ripples that it would cause, milliseconds before it did. 

 

She drank from it and quicker than a flash it was all gone again, entirely forgotten. 

 

"Sooooo...you like it?" Nico asked expectantly.

 

"Yeah, it's..." Hazel realized that she only took her first sip a few moments ago but it felt like she'd been standing out here with Nico for years. "Oh, I feel so strange." She put her hand to her forehead to steady herself.

 

"Are you okay?" Nico's face contorted into a childish display of concern. It felt like something was slipping clean through her fingers, but she was feeling better and better by the moment and gave up on trying to hold onto whatever it was. 

 

"Yeah, definitely. Wow, this–I feel so good, Nico!" 

 

When she finished her second cup, Hazel started to understand everyone’s behavior. Her inhibitions were long gone, and boy, did it feel good. She raised her sweater and started to pat her stomach like a bongo as she tried to whistle along with the music amelodically. Nico had had several cups more than her and was beside her clapping all over the place like he was trying to kill an elusive gnat. 

 

They stayed dancing and singing around the fountain, but it was when Nico started to sing an impromptu love song that she broke out of her stupor and sobered just a little. He reaffirmed Hazel's suspicions, but her determination to keep his secret was strong as ever. She still remembered that she would never said anything about it to him because those were things you simply didn’t talk about. But when Nico drunkenly belted out _"And the onnnnne that I loooove is P– "_ she’d clapped her hand over his mouth so fast it made her head spin. 

 

”All righty-o, show’s over, Nico.” She said, trying to compose herself. “Let's go back to your cabin.” She figured that if he was going to profess love, going behind closed doors would be safest. But Nico whined, tugging at her sleeve moaning something underneath her hand. "Okay, I'll take it off, but only if you don't say about you. know. who. Okay?" She could grasp thatshe wasn't making perfect sense, but was confident Nico got the idea, as she took her hand off his mouth.

 

”They’re waiting for me, they’re all _waiting_ for me Hazel. We gotta go, I have to tell him.” The antsy way he lifted his feet in place reminded Hazel of a puppy expectantly waiting for his master. A flash of the mangy dog from St. Agnes crossed her mind but disappeared again, in favor of another thought about how pretty the grass was. _Oh, right. Nico said something about people waiting._

 

"They're really waiting?" She didn't know who 'they' were exactly, but assumed it was Percy and company.

 

"YEAH!" 

 

”Nico, I think you should take some time and think about this.” She struggled to clear some of the wine’s magical fog from her mind. Maybe she could will herself sober. 

 

”No if I think about it then…I wont be with him and,” he paused trying to put his thought together, “he’s waiting for me.” 

 

”Do you even know where he is?” she asked. Nico grinned goofily.

 

”No. But I’ll find him,” and he took off, just like that, pumping his fist in the air repeating "I’ll find him," over and over. Hazel smiled at the sight. She was happy to see her brother happy, since he so rarely was. But underneath that she felt something tug in her gut and hoped he wouldn’t get himself into trouble. The sweet feeling flowing through her reassured her that everything would be fine and she realized she'd better go catch up to her brother. 

 

They had a very interesting jog around the cabins, but kept getting lost on their way to Poseidon's. They found the Ares cabin four times where they kept accidentally happening upon a couple, en flagrante, to everyone's dismay. They stopped at the fountain to get more wine to hopefully wipe the memory from their minds, which it didn't. 

 

From the fountain, they spotted Cabin Three, and when they did finally walk up to it, the lights were off. They alternated cries for Percy to answer the door in different voices while they banged on it with their fists until they both started to get hoarse. Hazel gave one last _"Get on out here!"_ in a masculine southern accent, before she felt reasonably sure no one was home.

 

Nico remembered that Percy visited the horses a lot so their next stop was the stables. And even if he wasn't there, maybe the pegasi would know where he was. This seemed reasonable enough so they ran off until they passed the armory and finally reached their destination. The pair barely managed to open the door, but when they did, Nico shot inside and started interrogating the pegasi. 

 

"HEY, BIRD-HORSES YOU GUYS ARE BEST FRIENDS WITH PERCY DO YOU KNOW WHERE HE IS?" 


	16. Nico, Stop Yelling at Animals or But My Leg Didn't Pop!

 

**Hazel**

 

 

All of the animals shifted and snuffled nervously once they were both inside. One pegasus stuck its head out and whinnied. Nico nodded contemplatively before he resumed yelling. "OH OKAY, THANK YOU MY LIL CLUCKIN' BABY. ALSO WHY DON'T YOU LIKE ME? I WOULD BE YOUR BEST FRIEND TOO YOU KNOW." More of them snorted and stomped. "OH YEAH? WELL, WATCH _THIS!"_

 

Nico started to do a little dance and Hazel asked what they were saying. Nico stopped to shrug his shoulders and hummed an _I don't know._ "I don't speak horse, I juswantid to feel like they could use some entertainment." 

 

"Ohhh," Hazel replied with realization. 

 

"If I entertain em, they'll be happy and tell me where Percy is, I bet." 

 

"But..." Something about that didn't make sense, although Hazel knew half the camp would pay to see Nico dance. "but, if you cant understand them..."

 

"Uh, huh?"

 

"How're you gonna know what they're saying?" 

 

"I don't; remember?"

 

Suddenly the flaw clicked in Hazel's mind. "But, so then, how will they tell you about Percy, right?"

 

"Oh, you're right..." Nico bopped himself on the forehead with the heel of his hand. "This was a dumb plan." Hazel kicked herself for not realizing that herself.

 

"No, no," Hazel shushed him but got distracted by the sound she was making and forgot what she was doing for a second. Once she realized, she stopped and patted Nico on the shoulder. "It's okay, we'll find them." 

 

They passed by the strawberry fields, now overrun with grapes after they left the stables. There were a few others exploring the grounds, but it didn't seem likely that Percy would be one of them. From what Hazel could see, they were mostly nymphs who were either making small talk with the plants or doing weird stuff, like twirling around or rolling on the ground. Hazel couldn't figure out if they were drunk or just being nymphs.

 

She didn't remember the grapes being there either, but couldn't stop herself from marveling at the way the light appeared iridescent when it glimmered and shone on their skin. They looked like drops of wine that had solidified into perfectly round, imperial purple diamonds. She desperately wanted to pick one to see if it would be as smooth as it looked between her fingers or on her tongue. To her delight, it was! She popped it into her mouth and although part of her worried that her teeth might shatter if she bit into it, she rolled it into her cheek and gently tried to pierce it with her canine. The grape burst as easily as bubble and its sweet juice and flesh was more delicious than the wine. 

 

Hazel closed her eyes, reveling in the flavor and opened them to find that Nico had plucked a few of them himself. They ate in silence happily, but once Nico had finished a handful, he lurched forward saying he was going to be sick. Rather than throw up, he burped and hopped to his feet, running off toward what looked like a miniature amusement park, laughing wildly. Hazel trailed him, dancing not far behind and laughing with him, her earlier worries forgotten. 

 

The park was surrounded by tall fences that looked like they'd grown straight out of the earth, but neither saw an entrance. They followed the wall and Hazel ran her hand over the interlocked vines, feeling their life force for no reason other than she could. The steady pulsing under her fingertips had a soothing effect until she lightly bumped into her brother. Nico had stopped in his tracks and pointed at the fireworks in the distance. 

 

"There he is!" He yelled. 

 

Hazel wanted to ask what he meant, but it came out "Why's..he...fireworks?"

 

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, silly angel." Nico shook his head with each no. "He's _at_ the fireworks because it's at the _beach._ "

 

_OF COURSE!_ "Nico! He has water powers! You could really be right!" Why hadn't they thought to check the lake or the beach earlier? Percy loves water! "Race you there!" Hazel started jogging toward the beach but checked to make sure Nico was running along. He caught up after a few moments and was hyperventilating like an overstimulated toddler. But Hazel had a second wind and ran all out, passing him again. 

 

They alternated taking the lead so it was hard to say who was faster. Nico technically reached the outer bank of the beach first, but didn't declare himself the winner either out of humility or because he forgot they were competing. Win or lose, their run had sent adrenaline through Hazel's body and she felt like she could take on the world. Unfortunately that feeling was short-lived because she saw Percy and Annabeth curled close together on the beach, and Nico's resultingly despondent expression. 

 

He was about to run straight to them, but she caught his arm trying to keep him from making a mistake. He wriggled free and ran off anyway but slowed to a walk and stopped cold a few feet behind the couple. Hazel froze with him, her head still too cloudy to be sure what to do. He stood there staring at Percy leaning on Annabeth's shoulder for a few moments until he walked closer. He silently raised his leg and looked like he was about to kick Annabeth square in the back. 

 

_Styx!_ Hazel nearly had a heart attack. She started running as quickly as she could, navigating around campers and rocks jutting out of the sand, but was relieved to see him playfully toe the small of Percy’s back instead, and she slowed down. Percy nearly jumped out of his skin though he looked happy to see Nico. When Hazel arrived she was breathing heavily both from her sprint and panic. 

 

Hi, guys,” she waved while she tried to breathe more steadily and regain her composure. Percy invited Nico to sit beside him, which he excitedly accepted. Hazel decided to flank his left and sit across from Percy in case there was any trouble or she needed to restrain Nico. Their run surprisingly helped Hazel feel somewhat more clearheaded, but it didn't seem to have had the same effect on Nico. 

 

Either the wine or the grapes were catching up to Nico hard, because he was barely coherent at this point. Percy must have had some to drink himself, because when she sat, he made a weird motion with his mouth at her. Not knowing what to do, she just politely smiled in response. No one said anything and Percy looked markedly less comfortable. Nico began glaring at him and Annabeth, so Hazel thought it would be time for a distraction. 

 

"So...what is all of this?" she asked, in reference to the party. She realized how stupid of a question it was as she was saying it, but she had to shift the focus somehow. Of course she knew, everyone knew. Thankfully, Annabeth indulged her little charade.

 

"Well,  _that_  explains the wine," she tried, hoping a joke would lighten the mood, until she heard that she was the only one laughing. Maybe it hadn't come out right. 

 

Again, Annabeth took her bait and smiled. "Oh, um, have you two been drinking?" 

 

_Hm, have we been drinking?_ Hazel tried to think of a diplomatic way to answer that when Nico beat her to the punch. 

 

 

 

 

**Nico**

 

 

 

 

 

_”Duh,”_ Nico drew the word out, happy that he knew something the genius Annabeth didn’t. He knew it wasn't an unreasonable question, but for whatever reason it felt patronizing and that irritated him. 

 

Hazel burped, and Nico laughed like crazy with Hazel joining him. _Good one, Hazel, that oughta show her,_ he thought. After a few seconds Percy started laughing, but Annabeth did too, so maybe she hadn’t noticed that she was stupid and nobody liked her. Nico turned his attention back to Percy and watched him laughing with the feeling that he finally belonged. He froze when he saw that Percy had caught him staring.

 

"I'm really happy you decided to come out. I really didn't expect you to, so I'm really proud of you, you know." Shock hit Nico like a brick and his mind began to run a mile a minute. _Who said I came out? Did I black out and confess already? Have I missed my own confession? Does that mean Percy’s okay with it?_

 

”What!? No I didn’t! Wait a sec, are you saying you _knew!?”_ he sputtered and then realized Percy meant come out _side_ , _"Oh!"_ he’d gotten so worried his secret was out that he laughed with relief once he understood. His laughter petered out when he saw that Percy was looking into his eyes again. Percy said his name dreamily and it sent a jolt through him before the pangs of guilt set in too.

 

Percy was being so nice, first by inviting him here, and then letting him stay, and sitting next to him, and looking at him, even though Nico was so _mean_ to him. And now it sounded like he was going to _apologize._ Thinking about it made him dizzy and he grabbed Percy’s arm to steady himself, but feeling his skin under his fingers made him feel even more ashamed. _He has to know he didn't do anything wrong. He has to know how sorry I am._

 

”Percy, I’m sorry. Please I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, I’m so sorry, Percy.” It was as if Percy might understand and forgive him if he said it enough times to be clear. He needed him to know how bad he felt. 

 

”Hey, it's okay. I’m sorry too, Nico.” Percy said his name again and Nico knew that he really was just a nice guy and Nico silently promised that he’d never say mean things to Percy again. He wrapped his arms around Percy and fireworks soared into the sky above them. It felt like something out of a movie. This was it, the perfect moment; he had to tell him. 

 

”I love you so much, Percy.” 


	17. Why Do People Fear Death When Life is So Much Harder?

 

**Nico**

 

 

”I love you too,” came his response a few moments later and Percy hugged him back. _I couldn't've heard that right,_ Nico thought. But he replayed the syllables that made up Percy's words in his head and tried to make sense of them, again and again. _This isn't real._ He opened his eyes and saw Percy's muscular shoulder, felt his arms around his back. 

 

He inhaled, in disbelief. Percy smelled like he'd been outside for a while and Nico could smell his sweat mixed in with whatever cologne or deodorant he was using. He still smelled like the ocean under it all, but it was too imperfect, too lifelike, for his mind to dream up. He was _here_ , in Percy's arms. They'd just told each other how they felt. This was so far past inconceivable, but the proof was in front of him.

 

_He's going to be with me now,_ Nico thought incredulously as he traced the line of Percy's neck with his eyes. He wanted to remember this moment for as long as he lived. Nico knew Percy wasn't perfect and was just a person like he was, but to Nico, everything about him was flawless. _Even his ears are pretty_ , Nico thought with surprise that he hadn't noticed before _._

 

He knew he should wait, but he couldn't; he'd waited so long already and this was his chance. If Percy changed his mind, he may not get another. He had to kiss him, had to feel his skin under his lips to reassure himself that this was reality. He wanted to go for his neck, but it felt too intimate and Nico wasn't brave enough. In this position his options were limited, but he saw Percy's ears and it, by some drunken logic, seemed more doable.

 

His mouth just grazed his earlobe when Percy stopped hugging him and pulled him off. Nico nearly cried in frustration, desperate to figure out what went wrong. He remembered Annabeth and glanced behind Percy, welling up with resentment. _She’s_ still here. Of course this would be awkward for her, though she seemed unfazed to Nico. He knew Percy was a considerate and caring person though, and wouldn't want to hurt her. Well that's fine, but he wasn't giving up without a fight.

 

Nico protested, but Percy continued to shove him away. He wasn’t going to let Annabeth get between them that easily, so he territorially snuggled himself over Percy’s outstretched legs. _Try and get him now,_ he challenged. Percy was so warm, and laying on him made Nico recall something from earlier. “Rice Crispies,” he whispered, trying to remember what happened after that in his dream. It felt important, but everyone else was talking and their conversation was breaking his focus. 

 

”–forget what I saw going on behind the Ares cabin. That’s what I need,” he heard Hazel laugh. He remembered stumbling behind the Ares cabin earlier with Hazel, what felt like a hundred times on the way to Cabin Three. He started laughing too when he remembered the exasperated looks on the couple's faces when they kept reappearing. Thankfully none of them knew each other personally.

 

Nico opened his eyes and looked up to see Percy smile at him. He couldn’t believe that after all of this time, he was directing a smile like that at him. After a few moments, Percy leaned over to Annabeth. Nico thought he might be about to politely tell her she was embarrassing herself by staying and suggest she leave. 

 

Instead, Percy kissed her and it felt like the ground beneath Nico was a jigsaw puzzle, falling apart piece by piece. He should have known, it was just a trick of the wine or something that made him so sure Percy loved him back. He knew in his core that it wasn't, he just wanted it to be true so badly. 

 

Percy reached out to him, but Nico moved back, out of his lap. _It wasn't real. It wasn't_ real _. Itwasn'trealitwasn'trealitwasn'trealitwasn'treal. Could never be real. Would never be real._ He heard someone crying loudly, and it registered a few moments later that it was himself. He felt sick with betrayal and disgust. He hunched over, and felt someone rubbing his back. _Hazel._ He wanted to hug her, but abruptly felt sick to his stomach. 

 

He thew up copiously and they all shuffled away from the pool of vomit without a word. Now that he had some of the wine out of him, Nico started to feel a little less out of it. Having Percy and half the camp watch as he cried and threw up was definitely going straight to the number one spot of his most embarrassing moments. His head felt like it was full of water sloshing around when he moved it. His memory was foggy, and everything that just happened felt like a hazy dream.

 

He took a moment to try to pick apart what was real and what wasn’t. Percy and him exchanging _I love you_ 's? Definitely the wine. Him spilling his stomach all over the beach like it was a spectator sport? Of course that would be real. He was thankful they’d moved a safe distance away from the scene of the crime. Did he really kiss Percy’s ear? Just thinking about all of it made him want to die.

 

They all sat in silence, everyone bathing in Nico’s idiocy. It must have been hilarious to watch him make such a fool of himself. Percy had probably figured it all out if he hadn’t already known. He must be trying to decide how to leave discreetly. 

 

Subversive as ever, Percy moved closer to Nico. Nico fantasized about opening a fissure in the earth where he sat to fall into and then reseal it, crushing himself to death. It scared him how easily he could do it, but the thought was almost preferable to facing Percy right now. He buried his face in his knees as a happy medium.

 

"Nico, I’m sorry about…I forgot about…Annabeth," Percy said out of nowhere, making him jump. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, man." 

 

"You..forgot about Annabeth?" _What does that even mean?_

 

"Yeah, you know...Like, I forgot that you, uh, you know, liked..her." 

 

Was he _serious?_ He still thinks this is about _Annabeth!?_ At that moment it all seemed comical, it was all he could do to not laugh in Percy's face, but then he couldn't hold it in anymore. Percy had to be the biggest and most beautiful blockhead he’d ever met. He started laughing, because it was so obvious. How could anyone _miss_ it? Nico could be wearing a shirt that said **I** **♥** **Percy Jackson** and he _still_ wouldn’t get it. 

 

”You…” Nico couldn’t control himself long enough to make a sentence, “are so…clueless!” He belted into another chain of snickers. He was dying! How could this guy _not_ know? "I-I mean, how can you be that dumb?" 

 

Someone touched Nico's arm, and he saw that it was Hazel, concern and warning burning in her eyes. He turned to her still laughing.

 

”Nico,” she started, clearly worried. 

 

”No, Hazel, it’s all right," Nico wiped a tear from his eye and attempted to stand which was difficult when he was shaking so violently, but he managed; he could hardly tell if he was laughing or crying at this point. "It’s fine because he’s not going to figure it out." His ribs were starting to hurt. He imagined a marching band spelling it out with airplanes writing it overhead and he still wouldn’t put two and two together. He grabbed his sidespicturing Percy asking what the parade was for. "He’s so stupid!" Percy stood beside him and Nico bet that he could kiss him right now and Percy _still_ wouldn’t figure it out.

 

Without thinking, thanks to whatever wine he still had in him, he did just that. He wrapped his arms around him again and stood on his toes. Before he realized what he was doing, he heard Percy shouting at him to stop and shoving him off. The sound around him gradually hushed until all he heard was the blood in his ears as he realized the gravity of his mistake.

 

Nico could see that Percy was shouting something else, but it didn't sink in. 

 

"What are you trying to prove, that you don't like Annabeth or something? Nico, everybody knows! You need to get over it, you can't just _do_ shit like this!" 

 

Nico swallowed hard, but couldn't speak.

 

"Don't start laughing again, Nico! I mean it, this isn't funny!"

 

He knew it wasn't funny. This was Nico's personal nightmare coming true before his eyes. 

 

"I mean, what is your  _deal_ with me!?"

 

_I love you._

 

"I'm getting tired of this, you don't make any sense!"

 

"I'm _sorry._ " Nico struggled to summon the will to make his lips move, but could barely get the sound out. His eyes misted in undiluted shame.

 

_"What!?"_  

 

"I said, I know," Nico amended. 

 

"What do you–?" 

 

"I know exactly how difficult I am. I know you and Annabeth are in love. I know I don't belong here. I know I don't belong anywhere. I know how hard it is to try to be my friend. I know how hard you try. But that's the problem; like I said, I don't want to be your _friend."_

 

_"Why?"_ Percy questioned him desperately. 

 

_Because I want to be your_  boy _friend._

 

Through his bangs, Nico could see Annabeth looking straight at him, and he knew that she knew. Percy may be slow, but Annabeth wasn't. He couldn't stand having her eyes on him knowing the truth.

 

Under the sting of Percy's words, Nico was floored. It was true; even after kissing him, Percy hadn't made sense of the obvious. He started to get angry. He must know, there was no way he could be this oblivious. He must want to torture him, holding it over his head, or otherwise want to force him to confess publicly. If Percy had some sick, sadistic need for him to spell it out in front of everybody, then whatever; he’d spell it out. His anger fueled him and he found his voice again. 

 

”Don’t you get it? I _love_ you, okay? I’m _in_ love with you!” 


	18. Hades Hath No Fury Like This

 

**Nico**

 

 

 

Nico realized too late that he was shouting at the top of his lungs and became hyperaware that he had nearly everyone in the vicinity's attention. He expected the party to go quiet and the music to halt with a record scratch, but it didn't. The firecrackers were still crackling, though he did hear the conversations around them die down. Their collective silences weighed on Nico's chest and labored his breathing. He could sense them all boring holes into his skull with their eyes. He felt Annabeth in particular and couldn't even begin to sort out his his emotions toward her. 

 

"I–I need to think." Percy said simply as if he'd just been punched. 

 

He knew everyone around him waited intently to see what he’d do next. They milled around judging him silently, being sure to record every word and movement to recount later. To them, this was juicy news and he could see them telling the story of how the creepy guy just got creepier to all of their friends. He was sure they would all be gleaming with pride that they were lucky enough to witness it firsthand.

 

Nico felt like a caged animal. He couldn't think, couldn't breathe, couldn’t stand to have all of these people watching him. His darkest secrets were on display and knew he wouldn't be able to show his face here again. He had to leave. He couldn’t be here one second longer. 

 

He started to run, but because of dehydration, the wine, or his own clumsiness, his foot twisted the wrong way and he fell, yelping when he hit the ground. Several girls next to him started screaming, laughing at him. He felt fresh tears start pouring from his eyes, and tried to force them back, failing. _Of course._ He was never cut a break before, why allow him to have a graceful exit once, just this _once?_

 

What was he _thinking?_ How did he not realize he was publicly broadcasting every skeleton in his closet? There may as well have been a barker egging one and all to take a look at the mistake of Hades. _Marvel at the weakest child of the Big Three! Ugly duckling of the greco-roman demigod world! His compatriots possess fearsome powers of great destruction, but watch as he lays there meek and mute, lovesick over other men! $2 to throw peanuts, but half off if you can make him cry! That's right he's a crier, folks; you saw it here first!_

 

Involuntarily, he choked out another whimper as he got up, and cursed himself for it. The campers around him were beside themselves with glee, loving every moment. He started running into the woods, not knowing where he wanted to go, where he could go just to escape. 

 

How could he have done that to Percy? And when their relationship was actually starting to go good for once. Is that why? Did he subconsciously ruin it because part of him, no all of him, hates himself? If that were the case, his subconscious deserved an award, a seat on Olympus because he couldn't have hurt himself more if he cut off his legs.

 

Nico couldn't remember much of what he said exactly or even what he was thinking for most of the night, but he did remember the past hour or two well enough, he thought. He remembered the moment he told Percy how he felt. He remembered how it seemed like all the stars had finally aligned when Percy said he loved him back. How his stomach was doing acrobatics, but when Percy wrapped his arms around him, Nico felt whole and safe.

 

He remembered the liberating rush of getting it all off his chest. The relief that there would be no more fear, pining, wishing, no more struggling. He was done reading into petty exchanges and beating himself up over them. For like three minutes, Percy loved him back; he got his happy ending. 

 

The saddest part is that those minutes were one of the happiest memories of Nico's entire life, even if they were just some drunken misconception. He would probably never forget what it felt like to have his face that close to Percy's. He would break his own arm to be as happy as he'd been, just to feel that way again.

 

He jogged past the dining pavilion and the smell was the birthday cake Percy's mother had made. It was like he hadn't eaten in years and the most mouthwatering cake was set before him. Coated in fluffy blue frosting, topped with cookie crumbles, and sprinkled with sugar. He was surrounded by people he loved who encouraged him to cut a slice as big as he wanted. He'd take exactly one small bite before it all went up in flames, making his hunger all the worse. 

 

It wasn't a perfect parallel, he knew. Percy and his affection was so much more than a cake. And it hadn't just disappeared, Nico himself was the one to blame. He'd taken the cake and thrown it against a wall. He’d told himself, he'd _told_ himself, that one day that Percy would offer his hand and Nico would slap it away for the last time. He knew in his gut that this was the final straw. He realized that he couldn’t have pushed Percy further away if he tried, and knew that he wouldn’t be hearing from him or anyone else again. 

 

Satyrs were collected in a gathering in front of him and forced Nico to detour around them. Nico ducked into familiar shadows and not a single partier paid him any mind. The fear in his core dulled now that he'd managed to escape the spotlight and let out shallow breaths. He had to escape this party. Had to escape the demigod world. He didn't want to live, but time in the Underworld made dying hardly more appealing. He just wanted to cease to exist. 

 

Maybe if he died, he'd be able to reincarnate like Bianca had. The thought of starting over, maybe being born into a loving mortal family and remembering none of this sounded like a dream. Maybe Bianca's regrets weighed on her soul like his until that was the only bearable option. But Nico would be leaving someone behind too. The positions were reversed and as the older sibling. Nico told himself that Bianca hadn't known better, but he didn't think he could forgive himself if he put Hazel through the hell he'd been through firsthand.

 

Nico reached the grove by Zeus's Fist. He didn't know how far he was planning to run, but decided that he'd stop whenever he stopped. He pushed branches apart as he stumbled through the trees and let them tear at his skin. He examined the scratches on his arm, satisfied. If he was going to be as stupid as he'd been, he may as well bleed for it. He wanted the physical pain so he wouldn't have to think about how deluded he'd been. 

 

To actually think, to truly believe, that Percy was going to just drop Annabeth and make out with him in public had to be the most idiotic fantasy he'd ever had. Why did he _do_ that? _How_ could he have done that? He would curse the wine but was too much of a coward to risk offending Mr. D. He didn't have the energy or wherewithal to shadow travel, and knew there was nowhere to go anyway. He knew there was nothing for him in the woods, just needed to be gone. 

 

He heard Hazel calling after him, but he couldn't face her. He fucked up. She knew it, and he knew it. There was no way to spin this. He was the aggressor not the victim here. If she tried to console him by pretending like he wasn't in the wrong or that it wasn't that bad, he felt like he'd break. But if she agreed that he fucked up and wanted to yell at him, he knew he'd break. Nico knew her old-fashioned values wouldn't approve either and that pierced him the deepest.

 

And Annabeth, what must she think? How would he feel if the situation was reversed, if he was dating Percy and she confessed her love, with the hopes that he'd leave Nico for her, to Nico's face? He couldn't swallow with the thought that that's exactly what he'd done to her. He was already winded and put his hand against a tree to keep himself from collapsing while he sobbed and choked on air before erupting into a coughing fit.

 

His mind avoided Percy because he knew thinking about what he'd done to someone who's defended him and treated him kindly would be the coup de gras that would end him. He couldn't brave the thought of Percy, let alone Percy himself. There wasn't any coming back from this. That rickety bridge was burnt and it was his fault, but he just couldn't accept that right now. Given his track record, he didn't know if he ever could. He resumed trudging through the underbrush with the knowledge that he might spend the rest of his pathetic life running from this night like he did so many of his other mistakes and miseries.

 

The terrain became harder to run through, and his pant leg caught on a branch snaking low to the ground. He tripped for the second time, but now didn’t try to get up. He wasn't defeated, he was demolished. He lay on the ground, face in the dirt, sobbing. He knew even the trees were watching him, but he couldn't make himself stop. _Goodbye, Percy_ , he thought, _I'll really, really, miss you._ This was his lot in life, he realized. He had to accept that he just wasn’t meant for the warmth and love that the people around him experienced, though he wanted it more than anything. 

 


End file.
